Quotations from P G Wodehouse are copyright of, and reprinted by permission of, the Trustees of the Wodehouse Estate © 2012 The P G Wodehouse Society (UK)

The Gold Bats vs The Dulwich Dusters,

at Dulwich College on 18th June 2010

 

Murray Hedgcock reports sadly … Cricket Bows to Football

God is clearly an Englishman, and not only that – an England football supporter.

How else can we explain the rain that descended upon Dulwich College around 6.30 p.m. on Friday, June 18, curtailing play in the annual encounter between The Gold Bats and The Dulwich Dusters, to allow appreciative players and supporters to head for anywhere with a screen to watch England in World Cup action.

It was perhaps a good thing for the football enthusiasts that matters were taken out of the hands of the umpires by the insistence of Dulwich First XI coaches present that play should stop, to prevent damage to a ground on which the school was to play vital matches over the weekend.

Umpires Robert Bruce and Murray Hedgcock are not football fans, and the fact that 7.30 would see a vital England engagement with the big round ball made absolutely no impact on either. They felt play might be possible in due course, and that everyone should stand by accordingly.

A number of new Society members enjoying the match

Even before the rain set in, there were anxious inquiries as to whether the men in the white coats had their light-meters about them – inquiries smothered with the care of a Jonathan Trott putting his front foot well down the pitch to smother a dangerous delivery.

But this gloomy end to the day could not dim the lustre of the Gold Bats’ batting, which reached heights never yet seen in these meetings.

Facing a couple of fiery, bouncy young pace bowlers, opener Richard Heard cut loose from the start, using every mph of pace from the pitch to cut and slice and cross the boundary.

Richard Heard hits yet another four

Encouragement shouted to the Jamaican opening bowler as “Mikey” drew worried looks from Bats supporters: this is of course the nickname given the feared Jamaican fast bowler of yesterday, Michael Holding, by fellow TV commentators.  

This was certainly the noisiest Dusters’ team we have met, but the more they shouted encouragement to their bowlers, the more did Richard take the game to them, moving into his strokes and playing decisively in front of the wicket.

This was also the most youthful Dusters Eleven we have faced: one was a teenager and five in their twenties. Three were PE teachers, and two gap students, giving them a distinct edge in flexibility – more bounce to the ounce, as Bertie Wooster might have put it.

We of course tend to go for maturity and the wisdom of the ages. Which is fine in theory, but can mean much puffing and panting in the field.

No matter: this was a day when the Bats called on accumulated cricketing know-how to adopt a policy of non-stop aggression. Just look at the first four scores: all reached the required retiring limit of 25 in double-quick time.

Wickets went quickly once the top order had come and gone, but there was time for Colin Niven, doubly qualified for the day as an Old Alleynian and an enthusiastic Wodehousean, to mark a return 50 years since his last appearance on the ground by striking a boundary – rightly earning the biggest cheer of the day.

The 20-over innings ended at an impressive 163, whereupon the Dusters, studying the clock nearing World Cup kick-off, hinted that they would not object to batting immediately, and postponing the fabled “Dulwich Tea” until the match was decided.

This of course was rank heresy, and the umpires announced firmly that tea was always taken between innings – and that was that.

It must be said that the Dusters, once adjourned to the Pavilion bar and surrounded by the usual lavish choice set up by Chairman Hilary Bruce, Elin Murphy and their associates, were happy to continue the tradition.

One Duster announced dreamily that he had played in this match some years ago – and always remembered the tea …

Then it was back to the tented field – for just five balls of the Dusters’ innings, when the threatening rain set in.

A copy of David Jasen’s excellent biography, PG Wodehouse: A Portrait of a Master - was donated by captain Bob Miller for the Man of the Match. As there was in effect just half a match, it was felt only half the players (the Gold Bats), should be eligible.

Umpire Murray Hedgcock announced that Richard Heard was clearly the choice for his instantly aggressive batting, which set the tone for the whole of the Gold Bats’ innings.

Umpires Robert Bruce and Murray Hedgcock stand by the final score

FOOTNOTE: The umpire wishes it known that he named his Man of the Match entirely objectively, in no way related to the fact that Richard kindly gives him a ride home after these games.

Scores: The Gold Bats – 163: R.Heard 26 ret., C.Reid 27 ret., C.Sutherby 33 n.o. A Hill 33 n.o.; T.Quilter 4/16) v Dulwich Dusters – 0/13.

Rain – Match drawn.