It was Michael Green in his ‘The Art of Coarse Acting’ who said the greatest joy for an audience was to see the local bank clerk buried by falling scenery. And thus it was in Hollywood at the biennial convention of The Wodehouse Society when the gorilla fell off the back of the stage.

More of that later. The convention was billed in true Hollywood style: ‘The Wodehouse Society in association with Blandings Castle and The Perfecto-Zizzbaum Motion Picture Corporation proudly presents Hooray For Hollywood!’ announced the programme before billing it as ‘A Jan Wilson Kaufman Production’. Jan of course had died late last year. But it was her spirit which ran the event, ably assisted by her representative here in the world of Wodehouse, her deputy President Jean Tillson, whose administrative talents worked hard, seamlessly and effectively. This was the 13th of these events and a hugely enjoyable one.

Wodehouseans from all over America and also a smattering of folk from around the globe gathered on the Thursday evening and enthusiastically became both browsed and sluiced. Some went along to a local music venue to see a Wodehousean stalwart from Boston, Max Pokrivchak, who bafflingly appears under the stage name of Terry Kitchen, singing thoughtful songs to the accompaniment of his guitar. Terry Kitchen fans present who didn’t know their Wodehouse might have been disconcerted by his final song, which was a folksy version of Wodehouse’s “The Land Where The Good Songs Go”.

The convention itself took place on the campus of the University of California, Los Angeles, popularly known as UCLA. This was quite a contrast to your correspondent’s recollection of university accommodation. Certainly a card to hang on your door stating ‘Maid Service Required’ could have sparked all manner of misunderstandings back in those days.

Sunset Boulevard

The first official event of what Jean Tillson’s introduction in the convention programme described as ‘this jumbo, deluxe, super-colossal, boffo, stereophonic entertainment’ was a bus tour of Hollywood, including a studio tour of Paramount Studios. Curtis Armstrong, film actor, film producer and Wodehouse scholar, provided an entertaining commentary on the bus. Unfortunately buses are barred from the comparatively narrow streets where the Wodehouse residences lay. But later on intrepid sleuths reported that a great view of Plum’s old home at 1315 Angelo Drive, the setting for The Old Reliable, could be had through the hedge. Curtis meanwhile kept us informed as we passed important sights like the Beverly Hills Hotel. En passant he also pointed out the store where Humphrey Bogart had received a tart “stop drinking” retort when he asked for a hangover cure, and a host of other Hollywood landmarks.

The Paramount Studios are judged to still have the feel of something akin to Plum’s days in Hollywood. Hence our tour. He, of course, had worked for the old MGM company, which might have accounted for our tour guide’s first question to us: “What is a Woodhouse?”. We told her. We saw the door where nervous actors waited in line for an opportunity of stardom. We saw the rose planted around Ginger Rogers' dressing-room door. We saw scenery being painted, (“The Vatican catacombs”, we were told), and streets representing both Chicago and New York. But most important we saw the writer’s offices, what Plum described as “the lepers colony”, which looked just as he had described them, verandas and all. Though these ones were air-conditioned, which might have been a bit advanced for his day. Even the gardens were lovely. “Lord Emsworth would have loved the topiary”, remarked one English member.

After lunch we had time for general sight-seeing in the Hollywood vicinity. Given that the temperature in early afternoon would have put severe pressure on the Blandings mercury several of us decided to opt for style rather than substance and retreated into the cool dark interior of the Roosevelt Hotel. Mid-afternoon martinis were taken and we all felt much better.

The evening’s proceedings started with a ‘cook-out’ back at UCLA which was memorable for the presentation of a large model pig, painted to resemble a Black Berkshire and with a very disconcerting grunt when squeezed, to Hilary Bruce, Chairman of the UK’s PG Wodehouse Society. She was able to tell the assembled throng about the UK Society’s efforts to save the breed from extinction. The talk turned to pigs and the hot dogs were examined closely as to their provenance.

After this the evening’s events, (‘A Clean, Bright Entertainment’), got under way after a brief version of Hooray For Hollywood played on a ukulele. Neil Midkiff, whose talents at entertaining were ubiquitous throughout the weekend, then sang and played the piano. This was followed by The Great Wodehouse Movie Pitch Challenge at which a variety of people attempted to convince a tough Hollywood panel of the merits of producing their particular movie idea. This was hugely entertaining and featured some highly imaginative ideas. Who would have expected a film closely resembling Citizen Kane in format but instead featuring Sir Gregory Parsloe-Parsloe with his dying utterance not “Rosebud” but instead “The Prawns!” ? Who would have contemplated a film entitled “Psmith of PSherwood Forest”? And who would have ever imagined the winning pitch – for “Lord of the Ring – Bertie’s Engagement” which was to star Russell Crowe as Bertie and Julia Roberts as Jeeves. The adjudicating movie moguls, played by Elliott Milstein, Shamim ‘Pongo’ Mohamed, and Elin Woodger-Murphy in her best ‘Mr Schnellenhammer’ costume, were magnificent.

Monkey Business

The formal part of the evening closed, in traditional fashion, with a farce, ‘Penny’s from Hades’, performed, as always, by The New England Wodehouse Thingummy Society (the NEWTS). This extremely funny and elaborately plotted entertainment drew inspiration from Mr Mulliner’s tales of Hollywood with child stars and their termagant mothers. And it also had a running gag of extras in costume queuing up and asking for meals at the studio cafeteria. Cowboys followed Indians, played by Indians. The Indians asked for buffalo wings. A Marie Antoinette peremptorily demanded cake. And Dan Cohen, dressed as he traditionally is, in a gorilla costume, eventually got to order a banana split.

But he only got to do this after the debacle mentioned earlier. Mooching on in the subdued lighting of a scene change the gorilla was there one second, gone the next. He disappeared off the back of the stage. It proved the old point that sudden and unexpected disasters happening to other people are the funniest things in comedy. It was, I suppose, a proper Hollywood moment. For a short time no-one on the stage noticed. Then there was a frantic search amongst the flapping curtaining at the back before a dazed gorilla regained the stage. After that even Elin Woodger-Murphy in her Mr Schnellenhammer costume replete with a foot and a half of movie-mogul-sized cigar and a barnstorming performance was rather upstaged.

The evening concluded with more sluicing and a general gathering round Neil Midkiff at the piano and the singing of the sweet songs of PGW.

Wodehouse at the Wicket

Refreshed for an exceptionally early start of ‘A Series of Talks’ next morning all concerned, more or less, made it to the palatial lecture theatre by 8.15. First up was Brian Taves, film historian at the Library of Congress. His magnum opus ‘PG Wodehouse and Hollywood: Screenwriting, Satires and Adaptations’ is due to be published shortly and, drawing on his research, he gave us a good and entertaining foundation for the day’s events. Next on were Hilary and Robert Bruce, the Chairman of the UK Society and her Chairman’s Consort and Accompanying Person. They gave a paper researched and written by Murray Hedgcock, the veteran Australian cricket-writing Wodehouse enthusiast, author of ‘Wodehouse at the Wicket’. Drawing on a lifetime in journalism his paper was entitled: ‘Red-Hot Stuff – But Where’s the Red-Hot Staff’ and pointed out that throughout the Wodehouse oeuvre there were innumerable publications, (from ‘Wee Tots’ to ‘Cosy Moments’), but none of them ever seemed to have enough staff to see them written, published and sold. His conclusion was a startling one. Referring to the contemporary enthusiasm shown by newspaper magnates in getting rid of their employees he suggested that: “PGW, as we have so often discovered in life, got there first”. The paper concluded: “Somehow, he resolved the problem of how to produce a newspaper or magazine with virtually no staff at all. Think of the economies, and the impact on the publishing industry, if only modern media magnates had taken time to read their Wodehouse”.

This paper was then followed by John Hayward striding to the wicket and giving a paper entitled: ‘Wodehouse and the Hollywood Cricket Club’. This convention, as some members present were darkly pointing out, was the first one for several years not to have had a cricket match as part of its proceedings. Administrative problems in the somewhat complex world of Los Angeles had stymied all efforts. In particular this had disappointed one member from Laramie who, after the experience of the previous convention in Toronto, had taken to cricket in a big way and now played every weekend. At 7,000 feet of altitude and thin air in Wyoming, as he pointed out, “the ball goes a long way”.

Hayward is a life member of the Hollywood Cricket Club and was, in 1966, both its wicketkeeper and President. He told of how Plum had joined the club in the early 1930s. In its heyday under the beady eye of Sir Aubrey Smith (“a bit of an old curmudgeon”, said Hayward), the club included Boris Karloff, Nigel Bruce, Errol Flynn, Laurence Olivier and David Niven. Plum was, Hayward told us, Vice-President in 1937 but never played. He was in his early fifties after all and had poor eyesight. Not ideal for someone who had his great days as a schoolboy fast bowler in the Dulwich XI. Hayward quoted Murray Hedgcock: “PGW and cricket!”, he said, “What an unbeatable combination!”.

A Fish Called Dueker

Next at the podium was the resplendent figure of Chris Dueker to give his learned paper on ‘Remembrance of Fish Past’. An expert on both palm trees and underwater medicine Dueker, in the conference literature, explained his talk thus: ‘If one combines obsession with curiosity about nutrition and food, and mixes in the Wodehouse canon, the reward will be this simple trifle’.

He started by recounting his eating experiences on his first trip to London as a Wodehouse enthusiast, back in 1977. ‘It was a bit of a shock,’ he said. ‘It was not the Empire’s best time for food.' He then turned to an examination of things nutritional and drew a distinction between food that was ‘healthful’ and food that was ‘healthy’ which revealed a clear preference for the former. ‘A Brussels sprout is a perfectly healthy food’, he said by way of illustration, ‘but you wouldn’t want to eat one.’

He pointed his audience in the direction of Chapter Seven of Stiff Upper Lip, Jeeves which contains, of course, the sentence which sums up everything that a sane person need ever know about diet, nutrition and health. Referring to a current fad of Madeline Bassett, Jeeves says: “Medical research has established that the ideal diet is one in which animal and vegetable foods are balanced.” Dueker pointed out that subsequent medical and nutritional research shows this to be true. Jeeves’ insight was, he declared, ‘Wodehouse's great contribution to science’.

Then he turned his attention to the vexed question of fish in the Wodehouse oeuvre. Extensive charts and spread-sheets shot across the screen detailing his textual analysis of the mention of the dietary, and brain-enhancing, qualities of fish in the Wooster books. This was an attempt to decide ‘whether or not fish is important’. For example Bertie makes the point some four times in Joy In The Morning that fish is important. There then followed an exhaustive analysis of whether or not Jeeves had ever agreed unequivocally that fish was good for the brain, his brain in particular, or other people’s as well.

Around this point in the talk the thesis became so complex that many in the audience wished that they had breakfasted on kippers rather than blueberry pancakes. But unravelling Dueker’s ideas in later discussions it became clear that more fish was what was required in the average Wodehouse enthusiast’s balanced diet. What everyone did agree on was that Dueker’s extensive research, including a courageous encounter with poisonous Japanese fishy delicacies, was unparalleled.

His talk was followed by a short talk on ukeleles by Melissa Aaron. And after that a dramatised version of ‘Uncle Fred Flits By’ kept us all in fine form in the run-up to lunch. This starred Gary Hall, Linda Adam-Hall and Elin Woodger and we can report that, in particular, Gary Hall makes a very fine and completely imperturbable Uncle Fred.

Rhode Island Reads

Post-lunch, and more discussions on the balancing of a diet, there was a brief business meeting at which Jean Tillson assumed the mantle of President, Kris Fowler assumed the mantle of Vice-President and, as if that were not enough, Treasurer as well. It was then announced that the 2007 convention would be held at Providence, Rhode Island, staying at the Biltmore Hotel. Pictures of the hotel appeared onscreen and it looked more Totleigh Towers than Blandings Castle but eminently suitable.

The afternoon’s formal sessions opened with an extraordinarily useful paper written by Tony Ring detailing published works on Wodehouse and, more important, which ones were essential, which ones were rare, and which ones the average enthusiast could happily do without. Detained by family illness in England, and much missed at the Convention, Tony’s paper was delivered with admirable clarity by Kris Fowler.

Then Elin Woodger, with further help from Gary Hall, Linda Adam-Hall and Neil Midkiff, kept us all very happy performing ‘Animal Crackers’. The theme was continued in the next presentation with Dennis Chitty and his entertaining ‘The Master’s Beastly Similes’ which took the form of a quiz with the audience trying to guess the object of many a Wodehouse simile involving animals. Then Curtis Armstrong, Hollywood actor, producer and, on the previous day, tour guide, showed his worth for the second convention running as Wodehouse scholar. His talk ‘Under the influence of Laughing Gas’ showed beyond all reasonable doubt that Wodehouse, as he put it, was ‘a trenchant social observer of Hollywood'.

The Big Picture

Then the Convention was treated to a first. Appropriately for the Hollywood occasion we saw the world film premiere of ‘Hollywood Comes to Blandings’, a Blandings Castle Chapter Production. Written, produced and directed by David Smeltzer it was a blend of several Blandings plots with the famed canine concoction of Donaldson’s Dog Joy featuring heavily. Ed Ratcliffe was welcomed onto the big screen as Lord Emsworth. And Marilyn McGregor made a fine and assertive Lady Constance. Shamim ‘Pongo’ Mohamed stole the show except for the scenes including the dog, which bore out the old WC Fields advice to never appear with either children or animals in a film. Needless to say the ubiquitous Neil Midkiff also appeared, as Gally Threepwood.

After this there was a short interval to change into the old soup and fish for the pre-dinner reception and then the Elegant Banquet itself. At the dinner Bill Franklin was the genial master of ceremonies, or emcee as they say in Hollywood, and he started the evening by telling the tale of how he first came to read Wodehouse. This complex tale from his student days involved romantic entanglements, the antagonism of his chosen girl’s parents, his being put up in a shed in the garden while the girl of his dreams was locked in the west wing, the prospect of ending up in the swimming pool while attempting a nocturnal assignation and many other diversions. It was a sort of Blandings-comes-to-Santa Barbara. The happy ending was that the only books on the bedside table of his temporary jail were by some chap called Wodehouse. Enthralled overnight by The Code of the Woosters Franklin subsequently forsook the girl of his dreams, thanked her mother for the thoughtful provision of the books, and headed off for adventures anew.

Anatole Triumphs

The banquet reached new heights of browsing and sluicing, raffle prizes were won, awards for fancy dress and many other achievements were made, and Wodehouse enthusiasts did what they do best: thoroughly enjoy each others company, make new friends, introduce them to old friends and celebrate the great man’s achievements. And the evening closed with (who else?) Neil Midkiff at the piano.

The following morning we had not The Long Goodbye but The Tearful Goodbye as brunch blended into a performance of ‘The Rise of Minna Nordstrom’ by The Mulliner Broadcasting Company & The Perfecto-Zizzbaum Radio Players. This spoof of a 1930s radio version of one of the finest of the Hollywood stories was performed with immense style and surprising verve (this was the morning-after-the-night-before after all). And needless to say who was stealing the show with spoof advertising interludes for unlikely products but Neil Midkiff.

Thus a fine Convention came to a happy and chaotic end.