QA101-110

Round 101 - 26 November 2001

1. The Bishop of Stortford, about to pay a pastoral visit on the Vicar of Lower Briskett in the Midden when set upon by a shaggy dog with a twisted tail and black spots, whose eye was not dimmed nor his natural force abated (Deuteronomy xxxiv, 7). Augustine Mulliner, the curate, was on hand, full to the brim with Buck-U-Uppo, and saw the dog off with a well-directed stone to the lower ribs. He later fearlessly faced the Lady Bishopess, whose lorgnette had left curates shrivelled like salted snails many a time, to secure for the Bishop his release from her Ladyship’s command that he wear his winter woollies on a warm day against his sensitive skin. (Mulliner’s Buck-U-Uppo, Chapter 3 of Meet Mr Mulliner). (Augustine rendered further services when translated to the Bishop’s Palace, see The Bishop’s Move, same volume, and other services, calling less for courage, but demanding initiative and loyalty, passim.)

2. Bertie Wooster (X) and Sir Watkin Bassett, JP (Y) are tree’ed on a chest in Sir Watkyn’s hall, by Bartholomew, a Scotch Terrier owned by Stephanie (Stiffy) Byng (Z). (Stiff Upper Lip, Jeeves, Chapter VIII). Bertie disliked Sir Watkyn since he had, in his capacity as metropolitan Magistrate, fined Bertie a fiver, for some misdemeanour on the night of the annual aquatic contest between the Universities of Oxford and Cambridge, where a mild reprimand would more than have met the case. He also dreads Sir Watkyn as a potential father-in-law, should his daughter Madeleine ever finally return Gussie to store. Sir Watkyn dislikes Bertie as the stealer of handbags, (unjustified), purloiner of his umbrella (unjustified), his cow creamer (justified), Constable Oates’ helmet (unjustified), and most recently as the destroyer of a grandfather clock. Later still Bertie exacerbated the feeling by purloining a black amber statuette. See the Gussie/Madeleine saga, passim.

3. Captain Cuthbert Gervase Brabazon-Biggar, the famous White Hunter, (X) had placed a double with Lord Rowcester (aka Honest Patch Perkins) when His Lordship, assisted by Jeeves as his clerk, had been operating as a Silver Ring bookie during the Derby meeting at Epsom. Lucy Glitters had won at 100-6, and the proceeds were invested on Whistler’s Mother, the subject of the conversation, which won the Oaks at 33-1. The net result was that His Lordship owed the Captain £3,005-2-6d, with little prospect of paying him. See Ring for Jeeves, Chapter 4.

4. The "sheep" was in fact Clarice Fitch, a female explorer, whose ideal wooer would kick her in riding boots and drag her around the floor by her hair. Ernest Plinlimmon, an average adjuster, who looked like a second vice-president of something, worshipped Clarice, but his idea of dynamic wooing was to sing "Trees". He had driven into Clarice, who was unfortunately placed at the time, having stopped to tie up a shoe lace. He followed this first assault by catching her a juicy one with a carelessly-flung putter, and by punching her in the eye. This series of accidents convinced Clarice that here was something hotter than dynamite, and they married, Ernest remaining master of the house and on the golf course. See "There’s Always Golf", Chapter 5 of Lord Emsworth and Others.

Round 102 - 6 December 2001

1. Bayliss, the butler to the Crocker household, was trying to console Bingley Crocker, a baseball addict in exile. Bayliss had vainly tried to explain the cricket reports in the paper to Bingley, and had then heard Bingley's account of a ball game. The dialogue left Bingley depressed beyond measure, and determined to return to the land of the free, where a disputed decision was discussed with pop bottles! See Piccadilly Jim, Ch 2.

2. Conky Biddle was taking a taxi away from Lord's, after (although properly brought up, and with no excuse that any decent Englishman would accept) enduring rather than enjoying a day's cricket in the company of his uncle Everard (Lord Plumpton), who knew the batting averages of every first class cricketer back to the days when they played in top hats. He overheard the strident critique, which his perjured soul enjoyed, from Clarissa Binstead, talking to her (soon to be ex) intended. He had to endure (if that is a word we can reasonably use) cricket because he was dependant for his three square per day (even the scum of the non-cricketing earth must eat) on his Uncle.

Fortunately for Conky, Clarissa's father had it in buckets, so he suffered nothing (immediately, the mills of God grind slow ...) for his apostasy.

See "How's That, Umpire", Ch 9 of Nothing Serious.

(For those of less mature age, a B-29 was a (very sophisticated) bomber in the USAAF, at the end of WW2, later turned into the Stratocruiser (for airline use) and the Washington (for RAF use, pending the arrival of the V-Bombers).

3. The scene:- the Drones. The time:- one o'clock on the opening day of the Eton-Harrow match. The occasion:- call-over in the Fat Uncles Sweep. Oofy had entered his Uncle Horace, and Freddie Widgeon (whose idea it was) had drawn his uncle, Lord Blicester (generally reckoned to be unbeatable). Oofy had alternately regarded his uncle as the stable tip, despaired when he went to a health farm, and recovered his optimism when Uncle Horace regained his eating form. The exchanges and counter-exchanges of the Horace-Blicester ticket had worn out the Crumpet's rubber. Oofy finally held what he regarded as a cert, when Uncle Horace was disqualified as merely a distant cousin ("like entering a greyhound for the Grand National", as the Crumpet remarked), and Oofy lost and Freddie scooped.

4. Archibald Mealing had recently become engaged to Margaret Milsom. The Secretary (one McCay) of the Cape Pleasant GC (who was an accountant, and inclined to be stout, and like all rather stout accountants sentimental) decided that Archibald should win the Club championship to celebrate his love.

McCay and his friend Sigsbee (no forenames here) plotted to persuade all other entrants to lose (no easy task!) to Archibald. One man could not be persuaded or beaten in the other half of the draw, and Archibald met Gossett in the final.

Gossett would normally trim Archibald 10 and 8, (and Archibald had planned his day, including a rendezvous with Margaret, on that basis). When Archibald was seven down coming to the eighth tee, that assumption seemed well justified. However, Gossett had a big deal in the balance, and Sigsbee (who was caddying for Gossett) had arranged for a series of telegrams to arrive, had intercepted each and refused to allow Gossett to read them (in case he worried). Gossett was worried, and collapsed; Archibald won on the eighteenth with a snappy 21, to Gossett's 30.

(The telegrams were not concerned with Gossett's Wall Street worries but merely wished him Good Luck!)

See "Archibald's Benefit", from The Man Upstairs and Other Stories.

Round 103 - 16 December 2001

1. Jimmy Crocker, aka Piccadilly Jim, was passing himself off as Algenon Bayliss, in an attempt to woo Ann Chester. It is essential to maintain the alias, as some time previously Jimmy had been scathing about a book written by Ann, and the hurt lingered. In fact Ann loathed Jimmy, but quite liked Algenon. It was essential for Ann's plans, (which did not include marriage to Algenon, (let alone Jimmy)) that her Aunt be convinced that she had brought Jimmy to New York, away from London, where his activities were causing embarrassment to one and all. Jimmy/Algenon fell in with the plan, although whether pretending to be yourself ranks as the grossest dishonesty or transparent honesty was yet to be puzzled out.

Piccadilly Jim, Ch 8

2. The charming voice was Anne Benedick's. She had come to Halsey Court to secure the services of J. Sherington Adair (X), more accurately known as "Chimp" Twist (impersonation 1), on behalf of her employer (Mrs Cork). Chimp had taken refuge in his office cupoard when he perceived Jeff Miller bounding up the stairs. (Either J. Sheringham-A, or Chimp T had many reasons to hide in cupboards to avoid unexpected visitors!) Actually, Jeff had come to apologize for throwing Ma Balsam's adamantine rock cakes at Chimp. When he had got to Chimp's office, he had been surprised to find it empty, then sat down at the desk, and so was tempted into impersonating the 'private investigator' when that lovely girl came in asking if he was 'Mr Adair'. Jeff, of course, was off girls for the moment, having been severely rebuked by his erstwhile betrothed Myrtle Shoesmith for his sub-standard (to put it kindly) performance that morning in the Queen's Bench Division while cross-examining Lionel Green (who is for the moment the undeserving apple of Miss Benedick's eye. It all gets sorted out!) He was ready (eager) to make an exception in Anne's case, so impersonation 2!

Money in the Bank, ch. 5.

3. Horace Pendlebury-Davenport, already rattled after mistaking Sir Roderick Glossop's nephew Basil and daughter Gwendoline for his old friends Pongo Twistleton and Polly Pott, is further taken aback when Sir Roderick turns out to be the spitting image of Pongo's Uncle Fred, the fifth Earl Of Ickenham. As it turned out Horace was the only sane one in the group as Sir Roddy, Basil and Gwen actually were Uncle Fred, Pongo and Polly, but obeying the instinct that any visitor has when approaching Blandings Castle to adopt an alias. (Blandings has imposters where other houses have mice, PGW passim!) Uncle Fred (in the Sir R Glossop vein), prescribed a complete rest, but on Horace's earnest plea allowed a binge, prescribing a beverage known as "Tomorrow'll be all the year the maddest, merriest day, for I'm to be Queen of the May, mother, I'm to be Queen of the May", generally shortened to "May Queen" for the sake of convenience. The base was a good, dry champagne, liqueur brandy, armagnac, kummel, yellow chartreuse and old stout, to taste.

From Chapter Ten of Uncle Fred in the Springtime.

(In Service With a Smile, Ch 10, Uncle Fred, at Blandings again, but this time under his own name (which he regarded as unsporting, but was now unavoidable), prescribed Jimmy Schoonmaker a slightly different recipe, with the same champagne base, liqueur brandy, and kummel, to which is added green chartreuse, and the stout is omitted. Jimmy was being primed to woo Lady Constance, rather than given a cure for incipient madness, and the variation is probably with that different aim in view.)

4. Sir Roderick (again! he was a very popular impersonatee, if that is the passive gerund of impersonate) was locked in a potting shed ("Never mind which potting shed, Jeeves. Not germane"), guarded by Constable Dawson, and shortly to be hauled before Marmaduke, Lord Chuffnell, in Chuffy's capacity as JP. Sir Roderick had blacked his face with boot polish to amuse Master Seabury, who had returned the compliment by trapping Sir R on a butter slide. Bertie was in a position to imitate a blacked-up prisoner, because he had also blacked up to escape from J Washburn Stoker's yacht. Neither could clean up, because the butter-slide had taken all available butter, and Bingley, (Bertie's man for the duration of a tempory rift with Jeeves), had burnt down the garage (and Bertie's cottage) in a drunken state, and no petrol, the only alternative cleanser, was available. The happiness of Bertie, (and his breakfast), Chuffy, Pauline Stoker (one of Bertie's platoon of ex-fiancee's, and now Chuffy's betrothed), Chuffy's aunt, Sir Roderick and (last and least) J Washburn Stoker, (Jeeves was of course happy merely to have been of service) depended on the extraction of Sir Roddy and the substitution of Bertie before any scandal erupted. Constable Dawson would be lured from his post by Mary, his beloved, bearing coffee and ham sandwiches, and his lips thereby sealed.

Thank You Jeeves, Chapter 21.

Round 104 - 27 December 2001

1. Bertie planned to spend Christmas at Skeldings, the home of Lady Wickham. He had two motives here. Firstly, Tuppy Glossop, who had in the unforgotten past wagered that Bertie could not swing across the swimming pool at the Drones by the ropes and rings and then, when Bertie was well en route, looped back the last rope, requiring Bertie to drop into the deep end in full soup and fish, would be at Skeldings, and Bertie felt that, with the vast resources of a country house at his disposal, he would have little difficulty in encompassing Tuppy's downfall. Secondly, Bertie was enamoured of Roberta (Bobbie) Wickham, and wished to press his suit.

The aims of the visit collided. Bobbie encouraged Bertie to puncture Tuppy's hot water bottle. That plan was put into action, but (too late) it was found that Sir Roderick, not Tuppy, was in the target area. Sir R removed to Bertie's room, where Tuppy, prompted by the same carrot-haired Jezebel, put the same plan into operation. Bertie was delighted to find that Jeeves (who could by passing on a simple message have prevented the first imbroglio, if not the second) had "forgotten" to cancel the Monte Carlo tickets, and that by the judicious use of a drainpipe the happy ending (for Jeeves at least) could be attained.

("Jeeves and the Yule-Tide Spirit", Ch 3 of Very Good Jeeves).

2. Mortimer Sturgis, having taken up golf late in life, when defences against the virulence of the bug are weakened (see "A Mixed Threesome" Ch 3 of The Clicking of Cuthbert) had married Mabel Somerset, the Ladies' Croquet Champion, under the illusion she was Mary Somerset, the Ladies Golf Champion. He discovered the mistake when, setting out on their first round after returning from their honeymoon, she confessed she did not know how to hold the caddy.

She was determined, however, to win his proper respect, and deserted him to seek the best professional tuition. She returned on Christmas Eve, a confident 24 handicap. However, because it was holiday time, she had had to walk eight miles from the station and collapsed, stiff and cold, her eyes closed, on her face lingering the faint sweet smile Mortimer remembered so well. A short exposure to warmth revived her and they golfed happily ever after: and isn't that what Christmas is about? ("Sundered Hearts", Ch 4 of The Clicking of Cuthbert).

3. This is an extract from an article by Plum under the alias of P. Brooke-Haven, in the Vanity Fair of December 1915. He also gives invaluable advice on the selection of presents and what to do when the present you have given returns, some years later, having been passed from hand to hand, along a relay chain of relatives. Worth the reading. (Readers of The Times will have had an unfair advantage here; the article was reproduced in full just after the questions were set!)

4. Dwight Messmore was a tennis player. So was Evangeline Tewkesbury. Ambrose Gussett was a golfer, playing off 2 and shortly to become scratch. Ambrose loved Evangeline, but her heart was blinded by the pursuit of a ball over a net, and by Dwight's skill at the same outdoor ping-pong.

Dwight was celebrating his selection for the Davis Cup team (The Oldest Member was astonished to learn that they had cups in this sub-world, but there you are). He had been celebrating, nearly a teetotal evening: a bottle or two of champagne, and liqueurs ... brandy, chartreuse, benedictine, curacao, creme de menthe, kummel, and so forth ... and of course whisky. Nothing more. He had also and in his view mistakenly eaten caviare, which was really whitefish roe coloured with powdered charcoal, and of course you cannot sit up half the night eating powdered charcoal, and hope to get away with it.

What he really wanted was one of Jeeves' pick-me-ups, but did not know Jeeves. Ambrose was his doctor, bound by his Hippocratic oath to treat the malaise even in a rival and one so undeserving. Aided by a prompt from her aunt he was able to bring his love to Evangeline's attention by removing the parrot that Dwight had bought for her birthday but neglected to present and then placing her in close proximity to the concentrated golf germ. The inoculation took and Ambrose and Evangeline married, she taking up golf and strenuously seeking to match his skill.

"Up From The Depths" Chapter 3 of Nothing Serious. (I mistakenly suggested to some that "Up From the Depths" was in the same book as "Sundered Hearts": my apologies!!)

(Miss Prism would have approved of PGW, had she lived sixty years or so later: "The good end happily, the bad unhappily, that is what fiction means, dear.")

Round 105 - 7 January 2002

Unwanted Gifts

1. In Chapter One of The Code of the Woosters Bertie was becoming increasingly annoyed by Jeeves' persistent attempts to convince the Young Master of the merits of a round-the-world cruise. Only when Jeeves agreed to cough up the inside information on Eulalie Soeurs did Bertie agree to book the tickets.

2. Frederick Mulliner, having tea with his old nanny, Nurse Wilks, was cringing at the bill of fare in "Portrait of a Disciplinarian" from Meet Mr Mulliner.

3. Mr James "Corky" Corcoran was the recipient of an unexpected parrot in a hat-box from his friend, Stanley Featherstonehaugh Ukridge, in "Ukridge Rounds a Nasty Corner" from Ukridge (US title He Rather Enjoyed It). The parrot Leonard was the property of Lady Lakenheath, the aunt Elizabeth of Ukridge's fiancee, Millie.

4. After discovering that they had both been commissioned to liberate a scarab, Ashe Marson proposed a partnership with Joan Valentine only to learn that in addition to 50% of the cash, Joan insisted on assuming 50% of the risk. From Chapter 6 of Something Fresh (US title Something New).

Round 106 - 15 January 2002

In Durance Vile

1. Sir Raymond "Beefy" Bastable was a little cross after spending the afternoon locked in his wine cellar, imprisoned by his butler, Albert Peasemarch, who had been acting on the orders of Frederick Altamont Cornwallis Twistleton, the fifth Earl of Ickenham. The quoted excerpt was from Chapter 25 of Cocktail Time, although Sir Raymond's actual imprisonment took place in Chapter 23.

2. Sir Jasper ffinch-ffarrowmere had spent the evening being cooked to a crisp in his newly-purchased Turkish Bath after his valet, Straker (actually Wilfred Mulliner in disguise), declined to release him by reversing the procedure of sliding Rod A into Groove B, thus fastening with Catch C. The adventure at ffinch Hall was described in "A Slice of Life", which was collected in Meet Mr Mulliner.

3. Already niffing to high heaven after falling into an unexpected mud puddle, which, judging by the aroma, contained a good deal more than mud, Bertie Wooster now found himself incarcerated in Pop Cook's stables on suspicion of attempting to nobble Mr Cook's racehorse Potato Chip. As it happened, his captors had neglected to lock the stable's door, allowing Bertie the freedom to fall into a nearby swimming pool and cleanse himself before finally making good his escape. From Chapter 17 of Aunts Aren't Gentlemen (US title The Catnappers).

4. Monty Bodkin (X), still trying to hold down a job for a year and now employed as Ivor "Ikey" Llewellyn's secretary, was mistaken for a burglar and locked in the Mellingham Hall downstairs cupboard by Mr Llewellyn's step-daughter, Mavis, who little realized that in a house containing Ikey, Chimp Twist and Mr and Mrs Soapy Molloy, Monty qualified as a paragon of virtue. From Chapter Five of Pearls, Girls and Monty Bodkin (US title The Plot that Thickened).

Round 107 - 23 January 2002

London Sights

1. The cognoscenti are in agreement that if you want to see a fat London clubman in a tight morning-coat and grey topper, puffing a bit as he makes the grade, the place to go is St James Street on a fine afternoon. The London clubman in question in this example was Lord Yaxley, Bertie Wooster's Uncle George, as described in "Indian Summer of an Uncle" from Very Good, Jeeves.

2. From the smoking room window of the Drones club in Dover Street X, Psmith, was enraptured by the sight of the impeccably turned out Eve Halliday taking shelter from a summer storm under the Thorpe & Briscoe awning across the street. From Chapter Three, sub-titled "Eve Borrows an Umbrella", of Leave it to Psmith.

3. Here we were given a look at the lives of the oppressed proletariat of Bottleton East. Archibald Mulliner, retired chicken imitator and newly converted Socialist, was on an expedition to relieve the sufferings of the Tortured Masses of that Working Class Nirvana. Following his adventures there, as related in "Archibald and the Masses" from Young Men in Spats, Archie became a lapsed Socialist and happily resumed his old career as London's pre-eminent Chicken-Laying-an-Egg artiste.

4. This slice of London life was on view at the Lyons tea-shop in Green Street, Leicester Square, when Chimp Twist dropped in for a council of war with Soapy and Dolly Molloy in Chapter Twenty, sub-titled "Trouble in the Syndicate", of Sam the Sudden (US title Sam in the Suburbs).

Round 108 - 30 January 2002

Plum's Dumb Chums (Vol 3)

1. The plans of super salesman Freddie Threepwood, (A), to demonstrate the rat-catching prowess of a dog trained on a Donaldson's Dog-Joy diet were frustrated when the sack of rats, an essential prop in a rat-catching demonstration, was confiscated by the butler Beach, (B), on the orders of his Aunt Constance and with the approval of his father, Lord Emsworth, (C).

2. To Elizabeth Boyd's surprise and annoyance, her brother's guest, Bill Chalmers (actually Lord Dawlish in disguise), was completely unfazed when introduced to the inhabitants of her Long Island bee-hive. From Chapter Nine of Uneasy Money.

3. Until a few days before this quiz was posted these were going to be the frogs strewn by Gussie Fink-Nottle in PC Dobbs' cottage in The Mating Season. But I thought, "No, that's too easy", and replaced them with the frogs strewn and then frantically collected again by Lord Havershot's soul and Joey Cooley's body in the bedroom of X, Beulah Brinkmeyer (US Brinkwater), in Chapter 17 of Laughing Gas. Unfortunately Lord Havershot's frog-collecting efforts were a tad too frantic and he absent-mindedly left two of the troupe behind, nestling in Miss Brinkmeyer's boots. All in all, it was a big afternoon for la Brinkmeyer, who discovered her new amphibian friends shortly after being chased, fully clothed, into a swimming pool by Joey Cooley's soul and Lord Havershot's body.

4. Jean Priaulx, the title character in "The Man Who Disliked Cats" from The Man Upstairs and other Stories, recalled the time a (c) giraffe with a taste for the finer things in life was among the guests at his uncle's Paris hotel where he formerly held office as cashier at a wage of thirty-five francs a week.

Round 109 - 11 February 2002

1. Mr TP Travers hitched up with Miss D Wooster. (Mentioned several times in the canon; the first was in the short story "Clustering Round Young Bingo".)

QM's aside: Wonder if Miss D Wooster's "I Will" resonated over three ploughed fields?

2. A gentleman known only as "The Bandit", a rather endearing person, had just got his baby to sleep when he was annoyed by the sound of a car horn tooting from the road outside his house. Several other rather endearing persons also had adventures at the same time: Mr BW Wooster was a house guest of his friends, Mr and Mrs R Little, near Norwich. Mr Wooster's personal attendant R Jeeves was also in the houseparty. Mr Wooster's host, Mr R Little, was stricken by a form of the plague in the person of house guest L Pyke (Miss). And Mr Wooster's hostess, Mrs R Little, had a serious falling out with an old school chum. ("Jeeves and the Old School Chum" from Very Good Jeeves.)

QM's aside: Anne-Marie has very kindly helped Bertie out with the word he wanted. That autumn, the fortunes of his old pal Richard (Bingo) Little seemed to have reached their 'Zenith'. Much obliged, Anne-Marie.

3. Although the facts of the case remain unclear, young Tubby Parsloe had some sort of misadventure with some prawns in that year. (Summer Lightning, Chapter 19.)

QM's aside: If anything about Gally's reminiscences could give the Empress indigestion, it would surely be the Story of the Prawns.

Round 110 - 20 February 2002

1. Blair Eggleston, the author-cum-offstage-noise-maker-cum-parlourmaid-flirt-cum-
frightened-suitor-cum-oppressed-valet seems a bit of a pill in Hot Water; feelings echoed by Bertie Wooster in "Jeeves and the Greasy Bird".

2. J Russel Clutterbuck, from the firm of Winch and Clutterbuck, leads a very willing Oswald Stoker astray in "The Right Approach" (from A Few Quick Ones); and brings music back to Jeff D'Escrignon's life in French Leave (Chapter 8).

3. Every fibre of Jeff Miller's being rebelled against marrying Myrtle Shoesmith, a girl with shades of governess and sergeant major in her spiritual makeup (Money in the Bank, Chapter 1). In later years, Freddie Widgeon, chained to the firm of Shoesmith, Shoesmith & etc; felt his knees buckle when confronted by this formidable woman - now going under the alias of Mrs Oofy Prosser (Ice in the Bedroom, Chapter 2).

4. When the Onapouloses and the Lincolnshire and Eastern Counties Glass Bottling Company went to court, love burgeoned in the bosom of jury member Jerry West (The Girl in Blue, Chapter 2); while the outcome of the case further depressed the Onapouloses' counsel, Johnny Halliday (A Pelican at Blandings, Chapter 6).

Mike Hely has pointed out an anachronism here. Apparently, when The Girl in Blue was published, such "dull disputes between business firms" in England were tried by a judge alone. Plum, exposed to the US jurisprudencial system where juries try everything, put a jury in his book. Thanks, Mike!