Round 111 - 4 March 2002

3. Battling Billson, that outstanding pugilist with a sentimental streak, could give any manager premature grey hair. After a series of ups and downs with mentor Ukridge, he "saw the light" at a revival meeting and almost wrecked a carefully planned contest. ("The Exit of Battling Billson" from Ukridge)

Round 112 - 12 March 2002

2. Claire (Clara) Lippett of San Rafael, Valley Fields has this is common with Ma Balsam of Halsey Court, Mayfair: a firm belief in the toughness of rock cakes. (Sam the Sudden, Chapter 2)

3. What do you do when the only cook in the world gives notice? You marry her. Especially if you've lived on a diet of Rosie M Banks' books in the recent past. Well ... that's what Bingo's uncle Mortimer Little did when there was imminent danger of Jane Watson leaving him. ("No Wedding Bells for Bingo" from The Inimitable Jeeves)

Round 113 - 19 March 2002

Q1. Medicine

a) Sir Hugo Drake, a nerve specialist, or, as he was introduced, a stout man in vivid plus fours, was standing by the 18th green at Bingley-on-Sea. The perfect tee shot had been executed by Dr Sally Smith, a GP. Both were holidaying at Bingley, but such was the strain of modern life that Sally was shortly called to the Esplanade Hotel, Bingley's finest, to treat Lottie Higginbotham, the current fiancee of Bill Bannister, Sir Hugo's nephew. Eventually and much to Sir Hugo's relief, Bill disentagles himself from Lottie and, by various devious schemes, succeeds in entangling Sally. See Doctor Sally, Ch 1.

b) E. Jimpson Murgatroyd had been selected at random from the telephone directory by Tipton Plimsoll, on the specious grounds that he had once been engaged to a girl called Doris Jimpson. Tipton was seeking advice and a (not-to-strenuous) remedy for pink spots on his chest, and was instead prescribed a regimen that would make a Trappist monk blanch. See Full Moon, Ch 3. Dr Murgatroyd also (and on Tipton's recommendation) treated Bertie for the same malady, with the same remedy, resulting in Bertie's exposure to the ever-appearing cat; see Aunts Aren't Gentlemen.

Q2. Law

a) Sir Raymond ("Beefy") Bastable was the subject of this searing critique. His habit of treating his sister Phoebe with the same rough justice as he dished out in court, and had formerly dispensed on the rugby field, was a particular, but not the only, foundation for the charge. Uncle Fred, Earl of Ickenham, (under his own name for once, an indulgence he usually regarded as unsporting) had lowered Beefy's self-esteem by removing his topper with a catapult loaded with a Brazil nut. This led eventually to the composition by Sir R of Cocktail Time, the redemption of Phoebe by Albert Peasmarch, the mellowing and marriage of Beefy, other assorted happy endings, and (incidently) the undoing of the Carlisles (Gordon and Gertrude), con and cosh artists on a par with the Molloys. See Cocktail Time.

Elsie Bean had described her employer, Sir Aylmer Bostock, as an overbearing dishpot in Uncle Dynamite.

b) Mr Shoesmith, solicitor, senior partner of Shoesmith, Shoesmith, Shoesmith, and so on, of Lincoln's Inn, was instructing Jeff Miller for the plaintiff in Pennefather v Tarvin, at the behest of Myrtle, Jeff's fiancee. Jeff, while an admirable scrum half for England, was a poor representative, lost the case to the accompaniment of strong words from the bench, full and comic reports in the brighter newspapers, and the loss of his fiancee (to Jeff's relief as well as Mr Shoesmith's). He took up an alternative career as private investigator, pretending to be Chimp Twist, (there's a sacrifice if you like!) in order to associate with Ann Bendict, niece of Lord Uffenham, to whom he eventually became engaged. See Money in the Bank.

Q3. Politics

a) The Rt Hon A.B. Filmer, a golfer only by the widest stretch of the definition, was a guest of Aunt Agatha (Mrs Spencer Gregson), who wanted Bertie to act as his private secretary. Such a prospect filled Bertie with horror. Help was at hand. Bingo Little was tutoring Thomas, son of the S-Gs. The Rt Hon had incurred Thos's wrath, and had been left marooned on an island, in the company of a particularly bad-tempered swan. Jeeves prevented Bertie's appointment, and Bingo's dismissal for want of supervisory ability, by, after having rescued the Rt Hon and Bertie, convincing Filmer that it was Bertie who had marooned him. "Jeeves and the Impending Doom", Ch 1 of Very Good, Jeeves.

b) Bingley, or Brinkley, as he was known when sub-editors did their work, who had at one stage been Bertie's man, but had terminated his employment by the rough and ready method of pursuing Bertie with a carving knife and then burning down his cottage, (see Thank You Jeeves) (no month's notice in writing for him!) had purloined the Junior Ganymede Club Book, in which all embarrassing details of any employer are recorded. He had offered the details of Ginger Winship, the Conservative candidate in Market Snodsbury by-election, to Mrs McCorkadale, (X), the Labour candidate, who disdained such underhand tactics. (Ginger would not have cared, as failure in the election would have resulted in the end of his engagement to Florence Craye, leaving him free to woo Magnolia Glendennon. Anyway, that outcome eventuated.) See Much Obliged, Jeeves.

Q4. Religion

a) Sir Gregory Parsloe (X) had lured away Lord Emsworth's (Q) pigman, George Cyril Wellbeloved, with promises of gold. The Rev Rupert Bingham (Y), under the name of Popjoy (Z) (another of Blandings' regular supply of imposters) had tried to ingratiate himself with Lord Emsworth, in the hope of obtaining a living, but every intended act of solicitude ended in disaster for the Rev and increasing animosity from the normally amiable peer. It now occurred to Lord Emsworth that by appointing Bingham, or Popjoy, to Much Matchingham, Sir Gregory would pay for his crimes. "Company for Gertrude", Ch 4 of Blandings Castle.

b) The Rev G. Hayward was a runner, although unaware of the responsibilty he carried, in the Great Sermon Handicap, and carried the fortunes of Bertie, Claude and Eustace, and Bingo Little. However, the Rev Francis Heppenstall, who had been the syndicate's choice until he blew up with hay fever and scratched before entering the parade ring, had lent his sermon on Brotherly Love, a winner by any standard, to Rev James Bates, who, assisted by a 15 min handicap, romped home. This not only did down the syndicate's financial plans, but, by enabling the Rev James to obtain a remunerative post as Headmaster, and formalise his engagement to Lady Cynthia, thereby blighted Bingo's life (again!). "The Great Sermon Handicap", from The Inimitatable Jeeves.

Round 114 - 27 March 2002

1. Captain John McEachern had entered the New York Police by pretending to be of Irish decent. He had been born John Forrest, son of a major in the Guards, and had been adopted by his Uncle Edward when his father died, having handed over the family fortune to the management at Monte Carlo. John lacked his Uncle's steadfast nature and was expelled from Eton a week after his 18th birthday. His Uncle cut him off with £100 and a traditional hand washing and John departed to the USA. His career in the Force reflected his earlier progress; some policemen are born grafters, some achieve graft, Captain McEachern (ne Forrest) had graft thrust upon him, and in large quantities! A Gentleman of Leisure, Ch 3.

2. Lord ("Percy the Piccadilly Policeman Puncher") Belpher suspected (rightly) that George Bevan was hiding Percy's sister Lady Maud Marsh in his taxi cab. Percy was determined to get to the bottom of things; George equally determined to protect his passenger. George had secured some respite by de-top-hatting Percy, but the confrontation was resumed outside the Carlton Hotel, with the results recorded. Percy was hauled off to Vine Street, where a hard bed and a chorus of the drunk and disorderly were followed by harsh words from the magistrate the following morning, when he was treated as an errant child! However a fine was all that was imposed, other than blows to pride. A Damsel in Distress, Chapters 3-6

3. Oliver Randolph Sipperley (alias Leon Trotzky) was feeling depressed, as he had to go and spend three weeks at Cambridge with the Pringles, friends of his Aunt Vera, when he ran into Bertie on the night of the annual aquatic contest between the Universities of Oxford and Cambridge (or Boat Race Night, as it is less formally known). Bertie was less than his usual abstemious self, as is usual on that occasion, and suggested that Sippy get himself a policeman's helmet. The policeman, however, was still inside the helmet, and both went off to the jug. Bertie was fined £5 (was this, as was suggested by one correspondent, the famous fiver that Sir Watkin Bassett extracted from him?) but Sippy went to jail.

Bertie covered as well as he could by presenting himself as Sippy to the Pringles, but nearly fell under the spell of Heloise Pringle, a cousin and clone of Honoria Glossop (he would have preferred jail!). Fortunately he was denounced as a cat-chaser, preventing a compromising embrace, and, unmasked by Sir Roderick G, had to throw himself on the mercy of Sippy's aunt. Thanks to Jeeves, (of course!) she had taken a dislike to policemen, and was proud rather than horrified by Sippy's deeds! "Without the Option" Ch 7 of Carry On, Jeeves!

4. George Mackintosh (Y) had everything. A good job with Peabody, Peabody, Peabody, Peabody, Cootes, Tootes, and Peabody, all the golfing virtues, and in love with (and loved by) Celia Tennant (X). However in order (a) to screw a rise out of Peabody, Peabody, etc, and (b) to get the nerve to propose to Celia, he had taken a correspondence course on "How to Become a Convincing Talker". The course worked too well, and George became a golf gabbler, and as popular on the course as the germ of Spanish Influenza.

Celia had been playing with the Oldest Member, and finally her nerve had cracked. She clouted George with her niblick. The OM, as we see, was pleased, and even approved the choice of weapon ("If the thing was to be done, at all, it was unquestionably a niblick shot"). However, perhaps weakened by George's constant chatter, she failed to get her wrists into the shot, and George not only recovered, but was cured of his gabbling tendancy. "The Salvation of George Mackintosh", from The Clicking of Cuthbert.

Round 115 - 4 April 2002

1. Bradbury Fisher, "X", a prominent tainted millionaire, a late convert to golf, and deadly foe of Gladstone Bott, another prominent t.m., rejoiced in the services of Blizzard, "Y". Bradbury was, unfortunately, also a collector of golfing relics, and Bott had a in his possession a cut-down child's baffy (4-wood to the modern tendency!) allegedly (he had signed depositions from the parents and the nurse, but you know what tainted millionaires are) used by Bobbie Jones in his first important contest, the Infants' All-In Championship of Georgia. Bott, jealous of Blizzard, demanded a transfer in exchange for the baffy, and Bradbury agreed.

In the cold light of dawn, he took fright at his wife's probable reaction, and challanged Bott to a golf match in exchange for Blizzard, against three railroads. Bradbury cheated (you know what tainted millionaires are), was caught, and lost both Blizzard and the railroads. Fortunately his wife had fallen under the spell of Vosper, an even superior butler, and all ended well. "High Stakes", from The Heart of a Goof.

2. Lord Ickenham, Uncle Fred, is talking about Sir Raymond ("Beefy") Bastable, whose unusually gallant behavior towards his sister Phoebe Wisdom ("Y") is puzzling her. "X" is Albert Peasmarch, formally a steward with the Cunard Line (see The Luck of the Bodkins) but has taken up buttling after coming into property. Peasmarch is in love with Phoebe, and strongly disapproved of his employer's previous ill-treatment of his inamorata. See Cocktail Time.

3. Gascoigne is butler to Lord Wiveliscombe. Lord W had been at the dinner of the Loyal Sons of Worcestershire, and was feeling the effects. His under-the-weather feeling had been worsened by seeing what he thought of as the ghost of Augustus Stiffham, formerly his secretary, whom he had rejected as a candidate for his daughter's hand and who had sailed for America. Stiffy was now hiding under the table, and aided by a bribed Gascoigne was about to make the aged peer's hangover even worse. See "The Luck of the Stiffhams", from Young Men in Spats.

4. A bit of a sneaky one here. PC Ernest Simms (Y) is talking to Crispin Scrope (X), about Chippendale. Chippendale is clearly not a butler. No butler would mingle with hoi polloi at the Goose and Gander, still less inaugurate games of chance contrary to the law, or call policemen by opprobrious names. Chippendale is in fact a broker's man, resident at Crispin's house, Mellingham Hall, and posing as a butler to spare Crispin's embarrassment in front of his paying guests, or lodgers, as he prefers. See The Girl in Blue.

Round 116 - 12 April 2002

1. The Molloys (Soapy and Dolly) were guests of Mrs Clarrissa Cork, at Shipley Hall, the ancestral home of Lord Uffenham, now resident in the guise of Cakebread, the butler. Mrs Cork was an adherent of the vegetarian lifestyle espoused by the Ugubu tribe, and the Molloys were in need of something with a higher protein content. Anyone using the Stag and Antlers, the village inn, to evade the rigours of the regime faced expulsion, and the Molloys, aided (if that is the word) by Chimp Twist, were after the Uffenham diamonds. See Money in the Bank, Ch 12. The forces of good were represented by, apart from Uffenham/Cakebread, Jeff Miller (masquarading as J. Sheringham Adair, aka Chimp Twist) and Ann Benedict. They won!

2. Archibald Mulliner, hitherto known only as a star at imitating a hen laying an egg, had fallen under the spell of his manservant, Meadowes, a member of the League for the Dawn of Freedom, and had taken up Socialism. He had gone to Bottleton East, intent on lightening the misery of the martyred proletariat, and so far had had little success. His one attempt at supplying bread to the starving poor had been rejected, the loaf hitting him on the back of the neck, and the proletariat seemed remarkably jolly rather than martyred, as he stood at the door of the Goose and Gerkin. However he persisted to spread light and happiness by the simple expedient of standing drinks all round. Unfortunately when presented with the bill, he found that he and his wallet had parted company in his efforts to thrust bread into the mouths of the starving poor, and faced with bilking on this monumental scale the landlord threw him out. Archibald's misery was not yet complete. Becoming thoroughly lost he decided to dine, but discovered, after he had eaten, that he had inadvertently returned to the Goose and Gerkin, where the landlord was not pleased to see him again! "Archibald and the Masses", from Young Men in Spats.

3. Lord Biskerton, the Biscuit to his many friends, but not to those to whom he owed money, had adopted a simple disguise to avoid those of unfriendly, money-grabbing, intent, viz a large false beard. He had tested it on his friend Berry Conway, who had then, in order to impress B's fiancee (with whom he had fallen in love at first sight) had leapt into her car, and ordered her to pursue the Biscuit in his, pretending to be in the Secret Service (well you never really know how to open a conversation with a strange lady, do you?) The Biscuit had stopped at the Jolly Harvester, and was happily sinking his pint in conversation with the bar maid, when she tweaked it and (of course) it came away in her hand. She never was to recover from the shock. See Big Money, Ch 4.

4. The coffee room of the Goose and Gerkin (not the Bottleton East one, the Rowcestershire one) was graced by the presence of Mrs Rosilinda Spottsworth, nee Banks formerly Bessemer. She was having a gin and tonic, having interrupted her journey to Rowcester Abbey, the home of Lord Rowcester, aka Honest Patch Perkins, so that she could stretch her legs and allow her Peke Pomona to commune with nature. Her sojourn was shortly interrupted by the arrival of Captain Biggar, in pursuit of Honest Patch Perkins, aka the Earl of Rowcester, whose journey had been interrupted by some mishap with his car. See Ring for Jeeves, Ch 1.

Round 117 - 22 April 2002

1. This was Beach, of course, the butler supreme. He seems to have been a kind of benevolent honorary uncle to many youngsters at Blandings – Lord Emsworth's niece Angela, in this instance. Beach's impersonation of a hippopotamus must have been a delightful sight ...

["Pig-hoo-o-o-o-ey!" from Blandings Castle and Elsewhere]

2. Sir Roderick Glossop (who was then buttling at Brinkley Court under the Bobbie-given name "Swordfish") was volunteering to go and search Willie Cream's room for the supposedly stolen cow-creamer. I believe the stuffed-frog-like wording of the last sentence pointed to him rather than to the other candidates in the name list.

[Jeeves in the Offing, ch. 10]

3. William Mulliner was trying to outshine his rival (Desmond Franklyn, who had – so he said – killed three sharks with a Boy Scout pocket-knife) by boosting more peaceful qualities – his own – in a wooer.

["The Story of William" from Meet Mr Mulliner or other collections]

4. This was Mike Cardinal, re-entering Beevor Castle for the first time in years. "Tony" referred to Lord Shortlands's son, who, when a schoolboy, had once brought his pal Mike to the Castle for the summer holidays. I must confess that the "Tony" clue was rather misleading – "diabolical" even, according to Ian (thank you, Ian! praise from Sir Hubert ...) – because it did suggest that this might be Syd Price speaking of Anthony, Lord Droitwich. My apologies to the many entrants who fell into this treacherous trap!

[Spring Fever, ch. 9]

Round 118 - 30 April 2002

1. Baby. This unforgettable scene took place in a Bramley-on-Sea police station. A sleepless guardian of the law was restoring Algernon Aubrey to his devastated father (Bingo Little) – who, by the way, was anxious about money, not Algy, whom he would absentmindedly have left to the sergeant's tender care.

["Leave it to Algy" from A Few Quick Ones]

2. Pimples. Polly Pott, who had just met Sir Roderick Glossop for the first time, was surprised that Lord Emsworth had called him ‘Pimples’, for on the eminent loony specialist's face (and dome-like bald head) pimples were conspicuous by their absence. Whence Uncle Fred's brilliant sermon. Of course the nickname had been Roddy Glossop's at a time when he and ‘Fathead’ Threepwood were schoolboys. ‘Pimples’ had been "a most unpleasant boy with a nasty, superior manner and an extraordinary number of spots on his face," according to Lord Emsworth.

[Uncle Fred in the Springtime, ch. 8]

3. Toad. On learning that those wedding bells were to ring out for Augustus Mulliner and Hermione Brimble, Oswald Stoker – who, "if not yet actually ossified, was indubitably plastered" at the time – kindly pressed this amphibian into Augustus's hand. The toad in question, which had presumably been picked up near the garden pond into which Mr Clutterbuck had fallen, was later to find its way into the butler's bed.

Compare Mervyn Potter (blotto too, as usual) presenting Mr. Anderson with a large, slimy frog (in Barmy in Wonderland): "My dear fellow, we want no thanks. Keep that frog, J.G. Anderson, and make of it a constant companion."

["The Right Approach" from A Few Quick Ones or The World of Mr. Mulliner]

4. Pork pies. Anne Benedick had just found out the despicable reason why Lionel Green had refrained from exposing Jeff Miller (who was impersonating J. Sheringham Adair, aka Chimp Twist, at Shipley Hall), even though he knew him from their schooldays and a recent court case. Jeff had drawn the worm Green's fangs by promising to supply him with proper food, and he had just fulfilled his promise by bringing in a large and succulent Duff and Trotter pork pie. "Anne was staring at Lionel. Lionel was staring at the pork pie." Tableau.

[Money in the Bank, ch. 22]

Round 119 - 8 May 2002

1. Jeeves (X) and Bertie Wooster. All entrants recognised their distinctive styles. Identifying the book was much more difficult, though, since there are many similar exchanges in the Jeeves-and-Bertie stories. Two contestants supposed it was Joy in the Morning – a shrewd guess, but wrong.

[Jeeves in the Offing, ch. 11]

2. Teddy Weeks. The multiple offender was of course Ukridge, that sock-sneaker par excellence. So the (obviously blotto) speaker had to be Teddy Weeks, on the occasion when the Syndicate had poured Barolini's eight-shilling ‘champagne’ into him, in the hope of stiffening his spaghetti-like spine.

["Ukridge's Accident Syndicate", from Ukridge]

3. Walter Judson. In this hilarious golf story – which is somewhat similar to "Chester forgets himself", by the way – the key word ‘Socks’ does not refer to what the well-dressed man is wearing with the tasteful shoes. It is the brain-child of the Oldest Member and short for ‘Socrates’. The O.M. had advised his young friend, quick-tempered Walter, to model himself on "the Greek bozo", who drank the bowl of hemlock "with good-humoured calm and a stiff upper lip". It had then been arranged that, whenever the infuriating Bottses tried Walter's self-control too high on the links, the O.M. would say "Socks!" in order to remind him that he should curb his temper and refrain from using strong language. In this instance, however, the warning did not work, and Walter let himself go ... "Long before he had reached his peroration, Mrs Botts, Cosmo at her side, was racing for the clubhouse with ashen face."

["Joy Bells for Walter", from A Few Quick Ones]

4. Bill West. This question was not an easy one. However, the quotation did bear the stamp, I think, of those scenes in which the hero meets the future moon of his delight. Then the answer could not be ‘Biffy’ Biffen ["The Rummy Affair of Old Biffy"], nor ‘Biff’ Christopher [Frozen Assets], nor Sam Shotter [Sam the Sudden], because each of these young men knew HIS girl (by sight, at least) from the start. So it really came down to a choice between Jeff Miller [Money in the Bank] and Bill West. Now, although Anne Benedick had indeed seen Jeff once before (when he was playing football), she did not remember him until chapter 21 of the book, whereas Felicia Sheridan had never forgotten the boy who had saved her from a watery grave. Moreover, Jeff first met Anne in Chimp Twist's office, and he was correctly dressed then, whereas Bill was relaxing at home when Flick called at Number 9, Marmont Mansions.

[Bill the Conqueror, ch. 3 (section 3)]

Round 120 - 16 May 2002

1. Miss Julia Ukridge. Her nephew and servants had taken advantage of her absence and turned The Cedars into a residential hotel. The news of her early return plunged the conspirators into a panic, whence a general meeting and some truly hair-raising proposals, such as the toe-and-finger one.

["Ukridge and the Home from Home", from Lord Emsworth and Other Stories]

2. "Uncle Percy" (Lord Worplesdon). The window was that of a car (Boko Fittleworth's), into which Bertie had just decanted his inebriated uncle. Lord Worplesdon (wearing a striking Sinbad the Sailor costume) had been celebrating his deal with the elusive Clam at a fancy dress ball (or ‘clam-bake’, sic Ian Michaud), drinking like a fish and dancing in tight shoes. The rich humour of this scene is of course greatly enhanced by the fact that the toe-twiddler was previously known as a stern old gentleman: "few harder eggs ever stepped out of the saucepan than this Percival, Lord Worplesdon". Well, at the end of the conversation, "'Tiddy-om-pom-pom,' said the relative, waving a cordial toe, and once more applying his lips to the bot." Let us draw a decent veil over this degrading conduct on the part of Florence's father.

[Joy in the Morning, ch. 26]

3. Mr. Potter. Scene: the moat at Skeldings Hall, at night. Hamilton Potter had been enjoying the peace and quiet in a punt. Then he heard Clifford Gandle's voice and realised he was eavesdropping on the younger man's pompous proposal to Bobbie Wickham. The rest is (hilarious) history.

["Mr Potter Takes a Rest Cure", from Blandings Castle and Elsewhere]

4. Smallwood Bessemer. This compulsive advice-giver had been dancing with Celia Todd, his (soon to be ex-) fiancée, and immediately started on yet another lecture ...

["Tangled Hearts", from Nothing Serious]