Doctor's Orders

1. Our amateur doctor Bobbie Wickham was quite right. The secretory activity of the thyroid, suprarenal and pituitary glands of the patient, X, Sir Claude Lynn, was increased to an almost painful extent when he discovered he was sharing his bed with Roland Attwater's snake, Sydney. Roland's ill-fated visit to Skeldings Hall is described in the short story "Something Squishy" from Mr Mulliner Speaking.

2. In addition to being alarmed at the wheezing of Mrs Evangeline Maplebury Fisher, her butler, Hildebrand Vosper, was also of the opinion that house guest Rupert Worple's laugh, Mrs Fisher's method of playing golf, and the general deportment of Mrs Fisher's mother, Mrs Lora Smith Maplebury, wouldn't have done for the Duke. The latter two opinions resulted in his employer, Mr Bradbury Fisher, quadrupling his wages in the short story "Keeping in With Vosper" from The Heart of a Goof (US title Divots).

3. This was Judson Coker's patented hangover remedy as recommended to William Paradene West in Chapter Two of Bill the Conqueror. One can't help but wonder if Jeeves was at one time in Judson's employ given the similarity of the recipes of their magical morning pick-me-ups.

4. After discussing the tried-and-true "QX" method of eliminating a double-chin, Aurelia Cammarleigh went on to inform her beloved Archibald Mulliner of the equally fool-proof "Oofa-Oofa" system of disposing of unwanted inches around the midsection. For further details refer to the short story "The Code of the Mulliners" in Young Men in Spats.

5. Unable to sleep because of his rheumatism, the butler Sturgis, (A), took the advice of C, Hugo Carmody, to fuel up with a whisky anaesthetic and was about to electrify his current auditor and proponent of the bee-sting cure, John Carroll, (B), with the news that while so fuelling up he caught a glimpse of the nocturnal visitor who had helped himself to the contents of the Rudge Hall picture gallery on the previous evening. From Chapter Nine of Money For Nothing.

Round 142 - 20 February 2003

1. The yodelling tenor, A, was, of course, Lord Emsworth brushing up on his pig-calling skills under the tutelage of James Belford in the dining room of the Senior Conservative Club, much to the alarm and consternation of ninety-three of his lordship's fellow members. From the short story Pig-hoo-o-o-o-ey!, which was collected in book form for the first time in Blandings Castle and Elsewhere.

2. After learning that Stiffy Byng was indulging in a spot of blackmail at his expense (too complicated to go into here, but it involved small, brown leather-covered notebooks, retired magistrates, amateur dictators and policemen's helmets), B, Gussie Fink-Nottle, was not in a receptive frame of mind when he heard the young prune ringing the welkin with her old English folk songs. From Chapter Five of The Code of the Woosters.

3. With every second precious and Nemesis, in the form of Mortimer Rackstraw, hard on his heels, the attempts of Freddie Fitch-Fitch, C, to get his uncle, Sir Aylmer Bastable, to sign an important legal document were frustrated by the Podagra Lodge band's addiction to playing long opera overtures. From 'Romance at Droitgate Spa', which is collected in The Crime Wave at Blandings (US) and Eggs, Beans and Crumpets (UK). But not in the American edition of Eggs, Beans and Crumpets or in Lord Emsworth and Others, which is the British version of The Crime Wave at Blandings.

For the record, neither of the overtures which caused Freddie F-F so much distress is particularly long. They both appear on one of Leonard Bernstein's Opera Overtures discs, with Franz von Suppé's Poet and Peasant clocking in at 9:50, while the maestro was putting down his baton and wiping his brow a mere 7 minutes and 40 seconds after giving the downbeat to begin the overture to Raymond by Ambrose Thomas.

4. The introduction of talking motion pictures and, in particular Mr Al Jolson's singing in The Jazz Singer, discomfited D, Wilberforce "Battling" Billson, who erroneously supposed the noise was coming from some trouble-making audience members. As the Battler's manager, SF Ukridge, put it, "I have no doubt that for days past Oakshott had been preparing him for this moment, had spoken to him at length of the wonderful new invention which was to revolutionize the motion-picture industry, had told him, in a word, that the whole point of the thing was that the Screen had now become the Talking Screen. But it hadn't penetrated. Ideas didn't with the Battler, unless you used a steam-drill." From 'The Comeback of Battling Billson', which is collected in Lord Emsworth and Others (UK) and Eggs, Beans and Crumpets (US) But not in ... but we went into that before, didn't we?

Round 143 - 1 March 2003

Crossed Signals

1. (B), the Reverend Cuthbert "Bill" Bailey's wedding to little Myra Schoonmaker was postponed when he showed up as scheduled at the Milton Street registry office while Myra was waiting impatiently at the registry office in Wilton Street. The crossed signals occurred in a long distance telephone call in Chapter One of Service with a Smile.

2. This was (a), Freddie Widgeon, who, finding himself being touched for a meal in the south of France by what he thought was an old schoolmate, set about the task of trying to raise a mille (the stupendous sum of one thousand francs) to meet his sacred obligations. The episode is recorded in the short story ‘Noblesse Oblige’ from Young Men in Spats.

3. Mrs. Travers, for reasons that were sound but too complicated to go into here, had commissioned (d), Bertie Wooster, to break into her (Aunt Dahlia's) bedroom at Brinkley Court. After misunderstanding his aunt's directions (and you'd think that after years of visiting Brinkley Court he would have known which was Aunt Dahlia's bedroom), Bertie found himself in Florence Craye's sleeping apartment in the middle of the night with a jealous Stilton Cheesewright hammering on the door. The mishap is described in Chapters 12, 13 and 14 of Jeeves and the Feudal Spirit (US title Bertie Wooster Sees it Through).

4. Percy, office boy to the law firm of Scrope, Ashby and Pemberton of Bedford Road, was deputizing for the receptionist, Mabel, who was on her tea-break, when he received a telephone call from "Bile", who apparently wanted to inform the absent Willoughby Scrope that he, Bile, had placed "Minnie Shaw in the middle drawer of the desk". Concluding that Bile was, in his colourful imagery, "as stewed as a prune", Percy dismissed the matter from his mind. In fact the caller had been the eminent American corporation lawyer Homer Pyle calling to inform Mr. Scrope that he had placed the latter's valuable Gainsborough miniature in the middle drawer of the desk. When Mr. Scrope discovered his miniature was missing, apparently stolen by that notorious kleptomaniac Mrs Bernadette Clayborne, it caused enough alarm and despondency to create another eight chapters of plot complications. (The Girl in Blue, Chapter Seven)

5. Police Constable Harold Potter, (X), wasn't quite as clear as he could have been when describing the Sinister Affair of the Scarlet Woman's Assault by the Duck Pond to Sir Aylmer "Mugsy" Bostock, the chairman of the local bench of magistrates, in Chapter 13 of Uncle Dynamite.

Round 144 - 10 March 2003

Unforgettable Cameos (Part Two)

1. The strikingly dressed newcomer introduced himself as the Emperor of Abyssinia, although there is some evidence to suggest that he may have been an escapee from the County Lunatic Asylum located near the Ippleton train station where he encountered George Mulliner in 'The Truth About George' from Meet Mr Mulliner.

2. In this case one can't help but feel some sympathy for the temper tantrum staged by X, Hortensia Burwash, the Empress of Molten Passion. The poor thing was in the 15th day of an enforced diet that limited her daily calorie intake to a few glasses of orange juice. In the short story 'The Juice of an Orange', which is collected in Blandings Castle and Elsewhere, Miss Burwash found a sympathetic shoulder to cry on in the form of Wilmot Mulliner, who was in the fourth day of an orange juice diet of his own.

3. Waiter Heinrich Joerg, (A), of New York's Reigelheimer's Restaurant was about to be bowled over by (B), Bill Chalmers, aka Lord Dawlish, and his dancing partner, The Good Sport, in Chapter Six of Uneasy Money. Lord Dawlish's fiancée Claire Fenwick, who imagined Bill to be 5,000 kilometres away in London, was an interested observer of the incident.

4. Arabella Pikelet, (C ), the daughter of Bingo Little's bookie Charles ("Charlie Always Pays") Pikelet, pulled off a stunning upset to edge Algernon Aubrey Little for the title of Wimbledon's Ugliest Baby. However, it was the view of the policeman doing the judging that both contenders would have been relegated to also-ran status had his own infant at home been entered in the competition. You'll find further details in the short story 'Sonny Boy', which is collected in Eggs, Beans and Crumpets.

Round 145 - 18 March 2003

1. The damsel is Lady Maud Marsh, who is about to get into George Bevan's cab to escape her brother, Percy. (A Damsel in Distress, Chapter 2.)

2. Mervyn, one of Mr Mulliner's many relatives, was sent by Clarice Mallaby on a quest for strawberries (in December), and wound up being arrested for trying to pinch some. ("The Knightly Quest of Mervyn," Mulliner Nights.)

3. The damsel is Yvonne and the knight is Sir Agravaine, who is about to find himself in distress when he encounters Yvonne's father, Earl Dorm of the Hills. ("Sir Agravaine", The Man Upstairs.)

4. The damsel is Felicia (Flick) Sheridan, the knight's counterpart is William Paradene West (whom Flick addresses as Mr Rawlinson for the benefit of her approaching aunt), and the dragon is represented by Aunt Francie. (Bill the Conqueror, Chapter 14)

Round 146 - 27 March 2003

1. Jeff Miller is investigating the office of Chimp Twist (alias J. Sheringham Adair), who has set up as a private detective. (Money in the Bank, Chapter 5)

2. Adrian Mulliner is meeting the love of his l., Lady Millicent Shipton-Bellinger. ("The Smile That Wins," Mulliner Nights)

3. F is Maudie Montrose Stubbs (later to become Mrs Bunbury and Lady Parsloe-Parsloe), who is called in to save Empress of Blandings from being pignapped. (Pigs Have Wings, Chapter 2)

4. I = Susan Simmons, a private detective, hired by the Efficient Baxter to keep an eye on Psmith (alias Ralston McTodd). Extra credit: The formidable Miss Trimble also poses as a parlourmaid while detecting in Piccadilly Jim.

Round 147 - 7 April 2003

1. Jeeves is the proposer of the scheme (though his actual plan, which he explains at the end of the book, is more tortuous), and Tuppy the person who, Bertie fears, may try to save not Angela but a steak-and-kidney pie. (Right Ho Jeeves, Chapter 21)

2. The gardener is the Earl of Marshmoreton. (Damsel in Distress, Chapter 1)

3. B is Mr Downing, investigating the curious incident of the dog painted red in the night-time. (Mike and Psmith, Chapter 19; originally published as Mike, Chapter 48.) This passage appears again, almost verbatim, in the American edition of Something New (Chapter IX), when Baxter is seeking the thief of the Egyptian scarab. (I was unaware of this passage until Anne-Marie and two others cited it in their responses to this quiz.) A similar, but shorter, passage appears in Chapter 9 of Money for Nothing.

4. Adela Cream, the mystery novelist, suspects the butler Swordfish, who she says has a criminal face, of being an impostor. (She is right on the latter count, as he is actually Sir Roderick Glossop.) (Jeeves in the Offing, US title How Right You Are Jeeves, Chapter 20)

Extra Credit: Adrian Mulliner's theory, propounded in "From a Detective's Notebook", is that Sherlock Holmes is in fact no other than Professor Moriarty, the Napoleon of Crime. (This story is reprinted in The World of Mr Mulliner; according to McIlvaine, it first appeared in the magazine Escapade, February 1960.)

Round 148 - 16 April 2003

1. A is Lord Seacliff (better known as dear old Squiffy), and the snake is Peter. (Indiscretions of Archie, Chapter 8.)

2. B is Clarence. Extra Credit: Like Peter, Clarence is green, eats soft-boiled egg, and has been pressed on his owner (Polly Wetherby) by Roscoe Sherriff, the press agent who also persuaded Mme Brudowska to adopt Peter. (Uneasy Money, Chapter 3.)

3. The snake (G) is Mabel, formerly supporting actress in the troupe of Herpina the Snake Queen. D and E are Soapy and Dolly Molloy. (Ice in Bedroom, Chapter 23.)

4. Mrs Steptoe is the coffee-drinking rattlesnake who is seeking a valet for her husband, Howard. (Quick Service, Chapter 1.)

Extra Extra Credit: Felicia Sheridan says that when her Uncle George (Pyke, the future Lord Tilbury) looks at her, "I always feel like a rabbit and a snake ... you know, sort of hypnotized." (Bill the Conqueror, Chapter 11.)

Round 149 - 28 April 2003

1. Shortly after his return to England, heartbroken Sam Marlowe was visiting his cheerful father at the latter’s office. Sir Mallaby had just asked his son about the golf tournament in which he had been beaten (in the semi-finals) on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean. [The Girl on the Boat, ch. 8, or US Three Men and a Maid, ch. 9]

2. Mr Howard Saxby (senior), the semi-retired literary agent, was conversing with Cosmo Wisdom. This eccentric old gentleman ‘knitted a good deal ... to keep himself from smoking’ and ‘also smoked a good deal to keep himself from knitting.’ A great character. [Cocktail Time, ch. 12]

3. James Todd and Peter Willard were firm friends, but rivals in love. Seeing that the adored one, Grace Forrester, was knitting a sweater (or so they imagined), they wondered anxiously which of them was to receive the gift and simply had to ask ... [‘A Woman is Only a Woman’, from The Clicking of Cuthbert and O. S.]

4. This happened towards the end of a dramatic family reunion at Mr Paradene’s home at Westbury. Mrs Paradene-Kirby, aka Cousin Evelyn, a notorious baby-talker, was devoted to small, fluffy Willie-dog. She was about to flounce out of the room in a huff with the dumb chum on the leash, and the boy Horace’s odious quip completely spoilt her exit. [Bill the Conqueror, ch. 2, section 4]

Round 150 - 6 May 2003

1. Bertie Wooster and Jeeves were discussing the matrimonial plans of Lord Yaxley (Bertie’s ‘Uncle George’), who, Bingo-like, meant to marry a waitress. Bertie may have remembered the imperfectly understood quotation from the time when he was impersonating Rosie M. Banks, the famous author of Only a Factory Girl and other works (see ‘No Wedding Bells for Bingo’). [‘Indian Summer of an Uncle’, from Very Good, Jeeves!]

2. This high-strung barking bird was Bill, Nelly Bryant’s pet parrot. The biting incident was to precipitate momentous events (including Jill Mariner’s arrest). The Tennyson quotation is used by the Master in several passages; this is, I believe, the funniest. [Jill the Reckless, ch. 5; US title: The Little Warrior]

3. The retired boxer with the vivid style was Steve Dingle (Y), in conversation with Mrs Porter (Z). [The Coming of Bill, Part One, ch. 5; US title: The White Hope]

4. The narrator, Jeremy Garnet, was trying to get Kay’s father, Professor Derrick (an irascible Irishman), to give his blessing to the planned nuptials. But the choice of venue was rather unfortunate ... ‘Pebble’, ‘bare foot’ and ‘beach’ were, I think, telling clues. [Love Among the Chickens, ch. 19 (‘Asking Papa’)]