Quiz Questions 111 to 120

Round 111 - 4 March 2002

Charles, a live wire from the Wodehouse India group, referred the group to a set of rare Wodehouse stories on http://briefcase.yahoo.com/madameeulalie. I read the short stories recently, and was absolutely thrilled - Plum had expanded some of the fledgling ideas into themes for his better known books. Listed below are quotes from the short stories. You are required to identify the characters/stories from the more popular books.

I couldn’t resist putting most of them in, so you have more than the customary four questions. I’ve totally ignored the "cricketing" references, though - not too enamoured of the game. You die-hard cricketing fans out there, please excuse me this blasphemy!

1. The following are taken from the story "A Job Of Work" (published in the Strand magazine, January 1913):

a) There are only two kinds [of American millionaire]. One has a mauve face and an eighteen-stone body, and grinds the face of the poor on a diet of champagne and lobster a la Newburg; the other -- Mr Bivatt"s type -- is small and shrivelled, weighs seven stone four, and fortifies himself, before clubbing the stuffing out of the widow and the orphan, with a light repast of hot water, triturated biscuit, and pepsine tabloids.

Which other pepsine-addict millionaire does Mr. Bivatt remind you of? He may not have been small and shrivelled, but he was prone to indigestion.

b) "It"s given me an idea, talking of Jacob. That's the sort of man I want for Margaret. See? I don't ask him to wait seven years, let alone fourteen. But I will have him show that there's something in him. Now, I'll make a proposition to you. You go and hunt for a job and get it, and hold it long enough to make five hundred dollars, and you can marry Margaret as soon as you like afterwards."

Who else can you think of, that was supposed to prove his ability to work, before the fact of his engagement was Morning Post-ed?

2. When I read "Creatures Of Impulse" (published in the Strand magazine, October, 1914) I was awfully bucked. Here's why:

a) There is probably no action possible to a man which so unfailingly restores his vanished youth as the handling of an air-gun. There is something in the feel of the wood and the gleam of the steel which rolls away the years as if by some magic spell. Toying with the confiscated gun of Thomas Billing, Sir Godfrey was a boy again. How long was it since he had handled one of these things? Years? Centuries? Not a bit of it. A few minutes, he was prepared to swear.

No prizes for guessing who and what I'm talking about!

b) "The gardener came to me and made a complaint. I harangued the school and invited the criminal to confess. The Billing child stepped forward."

"He said that he did it!"

"Yes. Why, what's the matter, uncle?"

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.

.

He could understand the whole thing so clearly. This boy Billing must have seen the episode, realised the consequences if it were brought home to the real criminal, and, prompted by pure amiability – supplemented possibly by gratitude for that shilling – sacrificed himself to save his friend.

This one is a little obscure. I'm looking for someone whose middle-aged misdemeanour was covered up by a school boy.

3. From "Keeping It From Harold" (published in the Strand, July - December, 1913); we have the following:

a) "Well?"

"It's only that I'm not going to fight on Monday."

"What!"

"Bill has seen a sudden bright light," said Percy, edging a few inches to the left, so that the table was exactly between the trainer and himself. "At the eleventh hour he has turned from his wicked ways."

Who else saw the light, and backed away from an important match in the eleventh hour?

4. "Love Me, Love My Dog" (published in the Strand magazine, August 1910) gave me one of the few slightly complex questions in this quiz:

a) He had gone dumbly round the links with her, rowed her silently on the lake, and sat by in mute admiration while she played waltz tunes after dinner. It had not been unmixed happiness, but at least there had been no competition. But in Lord Bertie he had a rival, and a rival who was a buzzer. Lord Bertie had the gift of conversation, and a course of travel had provided him with material for small-talk.

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.

.

"I was alluding to your lordship"s encounter with the dog Reuben this morning."

Lord Bertie started. "What do you mean?"

"I observed that your lordship 'ad climbed a tree to elude the animal."

Who else edged out a strong silent fiancé with his "buzzing", and then came a purler over a dog?

5. And lastly, "The Colour Line" or "The Golden Flaw" (published in Grand magazine -should this be "Strand?" - April 1920); gave me these:

a) Barbering was in his blood. His father had been a barber. His earliest memories were of the clinging scent of hair-washes, and he had cut his teeth on an old shaving brush.

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The manicure girls at the Cosmopolis as a rule meant little to Lancelot. He hardly noticed them. They were just there. Yet somehow the very first glimpse of May Gleason set his heart jumping so quickly that he found it difficult to keep his mind on his job.

Can you think of another young man with barber blood in his veins, who fell for a manicurist?

b) At the end of the second week, taking advantage of a peculiarly glutinous moment in the affairs of a female star and her support, who, after a whole lot of misunderstanding, were coming together through the healing influence of a little child – (Spoken Title: "Mummie, won't 'oo kiss dadda?") – he ventured to clasp May's hand in his and was electrified to find that she showed no resentment.

The theme "Mummie, won't 'oo kiss dadda?" made a capital theme for a nice little story. What was it called?

c) "Why not?" she said a little shrilly. "Why shouldn't I go out to supper with Mr. Fletcher? He's the press-agent of the show, and he can do me a lot of good. I want to get on, don't I?"

Can you think of someone else, whose love life was rocked to its foundations, thanks to a Casanova-like press/ literary agent?

Anatole, of course, is the best known cook in the canon. But there are others - good ones, bad ones, temperamental ones, cooks who look like peeresses and vice versa. This week, you're required to identify some of these skillet-wielders.

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Round 112 - 12 March 2002

1. A proud man is never left unruffled when worsted in a verbal duel with a cook, especially a cook aged fifteen with pigtails.

Who found himself unable to cope with a cook who, in addition to being irreverent, was also inept among the pots and pans?

2. "I say, you weren't thinking of having one of those rock cakes, were you?"

"I was. But I won't if you don't want me to. Aren't they good?"

"Good? My dear old soul, they are X's worst effort - absolutely her very worst"

This is one cook who thinks rock cakes aren’t rock cakes unless you break a tooth over them. Who was she?

3. "…. In all that time I have not known her guilty of a single lapse from the highest standard. Except once, in the winter of 1917, when a purist might have condemned a certain mayonnaise of hers as lacking in creaminess. But one must make allowances. There had been several air-raids about that time, and doubt the poor woman was shaken".

A temperamental woman, indeed, to allow a mere bomb falling through the ceiling to unnerve her. Can you identify her?

4. Breakfast, in the absence of Y, the cook, away visiting relatives in Walham Green, had been prepared by the kitchen maid, an indifferent performer who had used the scorched earth policy on the bacon again.

Who consigned her employers to the tender mercies of a ham-fisted stand-in?

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Round 113 - 19 March 2002

The Professions

The various professions received a mixed press from PGW. Doctors, lawyers, politicians, all suffered his scourge, but other more deserving specimens were given a good write-up. The only exception to the rule seems to be clergymen. Apart from the Rev Sidney (Soapy Sid) Hemmingway (who wasn't a real clergyman anyway) the more pious characters seem to have been (unless you know better!) uniformly pleasant. Please identify the good, the bad (I have left out the merely ugly) from the following.

Q1. Medicine

a) Scene:- the 18th hole at a golfers' Mecca on the South Coast of England. One of those freak holes – a very short mashie shot up a very steep hill off a tee screened by a belt of trees.

"On this green, falling from the sky in a perfect arc, there suddenly descended a white ball. It struck the ground, took back spin, and rolled to within a foot of the hole.

X congealed like one who has seen a vision. So might a knight of the Middle Ages have looked on beholding the Holy Grail. He had been at (...) only two days, and so had played this hole only six times, but he knew if he played this hole for the rest of his life he would never get a two on it, as this unseen expert was so obviously about to do."

Who were the two doctors who were so introduced, and how did their relationship develop?

b) X proved to be a gloomy man, with side whiskers, who smelled of iodoform, and had obviously been looking on the black side of things since he was a slip of a boy.

Seeming not in the least impressed by Y's extraordinary fitness, he asked him in a low despondant voice to take a seat ...

Who was treating whom, and what other distinguished patient passed through his hands for the same complaint?

Q2. Law

a) "... has become an overbearing dishpot. It's being at the Bar that's done it, of course.

A man can't go on year after year shouting 'Chops! Gracious heavens gentlemen, chops and tomato sauce!' and telling people that their evidence is a tissue of lies and fabrications without getting above himself. His character changes. He becomes a dishpot. What X needs, of course, is a wife."

Who is the author of this harsh analysis of whom, and what had he done to set in train the remedy? (I don't think there is an unrelated pronoun there!) For a bonus, to whom was the expression "dishpot" attributed?

b) "He could think of no detail in which his future son-in-law's deportment during the interview that had just terminated had not differed from that of the ideal young barrister, receiving instructions for his first appearance in the courts, and he felt a sort of detatched pity for this (...) whose fortunes were to rest in such hands."

Who was the pleasant but inadequate subject of this analysis, and how did it end?

Q3. Politics

a) "X punctuated some of the ghastliest golf I have ever seen with a flow of conversation which, as far as I am concerned, went completely over the top, and, all in all, I was beginning to feel pretty sorry for myself ..."

Bertie, of course, is the victim here, but of whom? What had been planned for Bertie, and how did Jeeves (of course) prevent it?

b) "X gave that sniffing snort of hers. It was partly like an escape of steam and partly like two or three cats encountering two or three dogs, with just a suggestion of a cobra waking up cross in the morning.

'I sent him away with a flea in his ear. I pride myself on being a fair fighter, and his proposition revolted me.'"

Who was this honest politician, and what unfair advantage had she refused?

Q4. Religion

a) "Conscience could not bring remorse to X, and the law in its present imperfect state was powerless to punish. But there was still a way. With this young man Y, - or Z, - or whatever his name was, permanently established not a hundred yards from his park gates would X ever draw another really carefree breath? From his brief, but sufficient, acquaintance with the young man Z - or Y - Q thought not."

Which blameless but enthusiastic young clergyman is being used as a weapon of revenge, and what crime has merited such condign punishment?

b) (a really easy one to finish!)

"... any misgivings I may have had disappeared the moment he got into the pulpit. The man was a trier. The man was a trier, and he went off from the start with a nice easy action, pausing and clearing his throat at the end of each sentence."

Identity please. The event is too easy, but how was the outcome adjusted in the end?

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Round 114 - 27 March 2002

Crime figures largely in the Sagas. From the evils of pignapping, to the theft of a silver cow-creamer, the entire Newgate Calender is paraded before us. A few of the malefactors for your attention.

1. ... a certain X, Captain of Police, was seated in the parlour of his up-town villa, reading. He was a large man ... his ambition was as large as his fist and as aggressive as his jaw. He had entered the Force with the single idea of becoming rich, and had set about achieving his object with a strenuous vigour ...

Who was this disgrace to New York's finest, and how had he deceived even to enter into their ranks?

2. "What's all this?" A vast policeman had materialized from nowhere. He stood beside them, a living statue of Vigilant Authority. One thumb rested easily on his broad belt. The fingers of his other hand caressed lightly a moustache that had caused more heart-burnings among the gentler sex than any other two moustaches in the C-division. The eyes above the moustache were stern and questioning. "What's all this?"

... "I was standing here when this man suddenly made his extraordinary attack on me. I wish you would ask him to go away."

The policeman tapped the stout young man on the shoulder. "This won't do, you know" he said austerely. "This sort of thing won't do, 'ere, you know!"

"Take your hands off me!" snorted X.

A frown appeared on the Olympian brow. Jove reached for his thunderbolts. "'Ullo, 'Ullo, 'Ullo!" he said in a shocked voice, as of a god defied by a mortal. "'Ullo, 'Ullo, 'Ul-lo!" His fingers fell on X's shoulder again, but this time not in a mere warning tap. They rested where they fell, in an iron clutch.

"This won't do, you know," he said, "This sort of thing won't do."

Madness came upon X. Common prudence and the lessons of a carefully-taught youth fell from him like a garment. With an incoherent howl he wriggled round and punched the policeman smartly in the stomach.

A plea in mitigation, please, and what was the penalty extracted?

3. "The case of the prisoner Leon Trotzky - which" he said giving X the eye again, "I am strongly inclined to think is an assumed and fictitious name - is more serious. He has been convicted of a wanton and violent assault upon the police ... I am aware that on the night following the annual aquatic contest between the Universities of Oxford and Cambridge a certain licence is traditionally granted by the authorities but ... He will serve a sentence of fourteen days in the second division without the option of a fine."

Identity and particulars of the offence please, and what further penalty was nearly extracted from Bertie?

4. "I want your advice" said X.

"Certainly. What is the trouble? By the way" I said, looking round, "where is your fiance?"

"I have no fiance" X said, in a dull hard voice.

"You have broken the engagement?"

"Not exactly. And yet - well, I suppose it amounts to that."

"I don't quite understand."

"Well, the fact is," said X, in a burst of frankness, "I rather think I've killed Y."

"Killed him, eh?" It was a solution that had not occurred to me but now it was presented for my inspection, I could see its merits. In these days of national effort, when we are all working together to try and make our beloved land fit for heroes to live in, it was astonishing that nobody before had thought of a simple, obvious thing like killing Y. Y was undoubtedly better dead, but it had taken X's intuition to see it.

Who had killed whom, and why did this rank so high in the hearer's estimation?

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Round 115 - 4 April 2002

The ignorant have been known to refer to Jeeves as "the perfect butler". Jeeves was, of course, not a butler, but a gentleman's personal gentleman. Butlers do figure widely in the canon, from the majestic Beach, and Jeeves' Uncle Charlie, to less well-known. A few for your identification.

1. "X had the finest English butler on Long Island. Y stood alone. There is a regrettable tendency on the part of English butlers today to deviate more and more from the type that made their species famous. The modern butler has a nasty knack of being a lissome young man in perfect condition, who looks like the son of the house. But Y was of the fine old school. Before coming to the X home he had been 15 years in the service of an earl, and his appearance suggested that throughout that 15 years he had not let a day pass without its pint of port. He radiated port and pop-eyed dignity."

Who was this paragon, and what price did X put on retaining his faithful service?

2. "'He is behaving like this to conciliate X. An observant man, he noticed X's silent disapproval of the way he used to carry on, and realised that, unless he speedily mended his ways, he would be a butler short, and nobody wants to lose a butler in these hard post-war days. As the fellow said – Ecclesiastes, was it? – I shall have to check ... – whoso findeth a butler findeth a good thing. I know that. I would go to even greater lengths to retain the services of my own ...'

"Y's eyes were round. She looked like a white rabbit that is not abreast of things. 'You mean X would have given notice?' 'Exactly. You wouldn't have seen him for dust'."

Identities please, and why was X liable to skip out on his errant employer?

3. "'Good morning m'lord. Shall I assist your lordship to a little eggs and bacon?'

"The table shook as the aged peer shuddered strongly. 'Don't try to be funny, X. There is a time to speak of eggs and a time not to speak of eggs. At the moment I would prefer to forget that there are such things in the world. What you can bring me – and dashed quick too – is a very hot, very strong, cup of coffee liberally laced with old brandy, and a very dry slice of toast'

"The butler coughed in rather an unpleasant and censorious manner. 'Did your lordship indulge last night?' 'Certainly not'. 'Did your lordship imbibe champagne?' 'The merest spot' 'A bottle?' 'It may have been a bottle' 'Two bottles?' 'Yes. Possibly two bottles.'

"The butler coughed again. 'I shall inform Doctor Spelvin.'"

Who was this kill-joy, exceeding his duties?

4. "'It's with ref your butler, sir.'

"X's cheerfulness diminished sharply. The word seemed to have touched an exposed nerve. A moment before he had been glad, glad, glad, like a male Pollyanna: this ebullience no longer prevailed. He looked anxious and wary.

"'My butler' he echoed. 'What's he been doing?'

"Y's manner took on the portentiousness which always came into it when he gave evidence in court.

"'It has been drawn to my attention that he inaugurates games of chance at the Goose and Gander, contrary to the law. When I warned him that if he persisted in these practices I should be compelled to take steps he called me an opprobrious name.'"

Who thus fell so far beneath established butlerian standards, and why was X so concerned?

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Round 116 - 12 April 2002

The are many pubs in the sagas. Market Blandings is recorded as aiming at the ideal balance of one pub per inhabitant, and the Emsworth Arms, with its confession-inducing home brew (witness George Cyril Wellbeloved and Jimmy Schoonmaker) must be pub of the year every year: if only we could find it! A few more to identify.

1. "A quick dash in the station cab would just have enabled them to beat the ... luncheon gong by a matter of minutes, but X was not in favour of this. His ... had been from boyhood a healthy appetite, and his personal view of the zzzzz's and their chosen bills of fare was that the latter were loathsome and the former weak in the head. He had little difficulty in persuading his wife that this was an admirable opportunity for avoiding Y's hospitality for once, and the hour of two found them seated in the coffee room of the [Pub 1] in ... High Street, squaring their elbows at a smoking dish of ham and eggs, with a second on order in the kitchen."

Who were cheating on whose diet, and what was the penalty they risked?

2. "There is something about the tap-room of a public-house that never fails to act like magic on ruffled feelings. The rich small of mixed liquors, the gay clamour of carefree men arguing about the weather, the Government, the Royal Family, greyhound racing, the tax on beer, pugilism, religion, and the price of bananas- these things are medicine to the bruised soul. Standing in the doorway of the [Pub 2], X became immediately conscious of a restored benevolence."

Who was off his normal beaten track, what had depressed him, and what further perils did he encounter?

3. "The saloon bar of the [Pub 3] at the moment of X's entry was unoccupied save by a robust lady in black satin with the sunlight, or something similar, in her hair, and a large brooch athwart her bosom with the word 'Baby' written across it in silver letters. She stood behind the counter, waiting like some St Bernard dog on an Alpine pass, to give aid and comfort to the thirsty. She smiled genially on X, and gave him a summary of the weather.

"'Nice day' she said.

"'Of the best' agreed X cordially.

"A foaming mug changed hands, and they fell into that pleasant, desultory chat which is customary on these occasions."

Who was calling where, and what happened to upset the pleasant relationship so far established?

4. "In general essentials the coffee-room at the [Pub 4] differed very little from the coffee-rooms of all the other inns that nestle by the wayside in England, and keep the island race from dying of thirst. It had the usual dim religious light, the customary pictures of The Stag at Bay and The Huguenot's Farewell over the mantelpiece, the same cruets and bottles of sauce, and the same traditional ozone-like smell of mixed pickles, gravy soup, boiled potatoes, waiters, and old cheese.

"What distinguished it on this June afternoon and gave it a certain something that the others had not got was the presence in it of the woman the waiter had been addressing. As a general rule, in the coffee-rooms of English wayside inns, all the eye is able to feast on is an occasional farmer eating fried eggs or a couple of commercial travellers telling each other improper stories, but the [Pub 4] had drawn this strikingly handsome hand across the sea, and she raised the tone of the place unbelievably."

Who was pausing on the way where, and who interrupted her meditative gin and tonic?

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Round 117 - 22 April 2002

Child's play

Child's play

Let me begin my stint as Quizmistress in playful mood. Many grown-up characters in the Master's works are fond of remembering, or indeed playing, childish games. Well, here are four players I am pretty sure you will identify, especially when you read the helpful name lists I am providing in three cases (as for question 1, it really is child's play!)

As usual, bonus marks for full references (book and chapter or short-story title) and other relevant details.

1. It had been the butler's intention (...) to explain frigidly (...) that it was not his place to stand in the moonlight practising pig-calls. (...) But the intervention of Angela made this impossible to a man of chivalry and heart. A paternal fondness for the girl, dating from the days when he had stooped to enacting – and very convincingly, too, for his was a figure that lent itself to the impersonation – the role of a hippopotamus for her childish amusement, checked the words he would have uttered.

"Very good, your lordship," he said in a low voice, his face pale and set in the moonlight.

Please name this noble butler.

2. "(...) You said, if you recall, that the enterprise should have been placed in the hands of a mature, experienced man of the world and not in those of one of less ripe years who as a child had never been expert at hunt-the-slipper. I am, you will agree, mature, and in my earlier days I won no little praise for my skill at hunt-the-slipper. I remember one of the hostesses whose Christmas parties I attended comparing me to a juvenile bloodhound. An extravagant encomium, of course, but that is what she said."

Who was this hunt-the-slipper expert? Sir Raymond Bastable, Sir Roderick Glossop, Lord Ickenham, or Lord Uffenham?

3. "(...) To illustrate what I mean, did you happen to see me win the Egg-and-Spoon race at the ship's sports? Now there, it seems to me, in what I might call microcosm, was an exhibition of all the qualities a married man most requires – intense coolness, iron resolution, and a quiet, unassuming courage. The man who under test conditions has carried an egg once and a half times round a deck in a small spoon is a man who can be trusted."

Who spoke these illuminating words? Monty Bodkin, Jimmy Crocker, Sam Marlowe, or William Mulliner?

4. "They didn't allow me in the drawing-room much, when I was here before. Rightly or wrongly, they considered that my proper place was in the tool shed, playing ha’penny nap with Tony and the second footman. (...)"

Who was this social outcast? Mike Cardinal, Vanessa Polk, Syd Price, or Allen Thomson?

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Round 118 - 30 April 2002

It had some of the properties of a sponge and some of a damp hearthrug. ["Tangled Hearts"]

Guess what

This round is a very simple one. You are just invited to identify objects. Hint: in some cases the objects in question are living things. Bonus points for references and other details.

1. (...) the sergeant reminded him that there was something he was forgetting.

"Your –– , sir."

"Oh, ah, yes."

"Shall we send it, or do you want to take it with you?"

"Oh, with me. Yes, certainly with me."

"Very good," said the sergeant. "I'll have it wrapped up."

What was it?

2. "I was only wondering why Lord Emsworth called him ––s ."

"You mean he hasn't any now? No, I noticed that," said Lord Ickenham. "It is so often the way. We start out in life with more ––s than we know what to do with, and in the careless arrogance of youth think they are going to last for ever. But comes a day when we suddenly find that we are down to our last half-dozen. And then those go. There is a lesson in this for all of us."

What was Uncle Fred talking about?

3. "Well, well!" he said. "So you're getting married, eh? Starting out on the new life, are you, you two young things? Then take this simple –– ," said O. S. (...) "A wedding present," he explained. "A poor gift, but one that comes straight from the heart. And, after all, it's the thought behind the gift that counts, don't you think? Goodnight. God bless you. (...)"

[Here the speaker's name is represented by initials.]

What did this early wedding present consist of?

4. The scales had fallen from her eyes. (...) And as she realized what manner of man he was, her soul seethed in a turmoil of revolt, and love fell from her like a garment. For if we look askance at the wretch who sells himself for gold, how much more do we recoil from him who allows himself to be bought with –– ––s.

What kind of (two-word) bribe had this despicable, soon-to-be-ex fiancé stooped to accept? Hollywood contracts, lavender spats, pork pies, or stamp albums?

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Round 119 - 8 May 2002

Socks appeal

Socks appeal

Socks are obviously a major theme in the Master's works. Just remember the celebrated purple socks, most Drones' love of handsome socks, the heinous charge of wearing bed socks, sundry characters digging into the old sock, the fateful sock on the base of the skull, and so on. Well, here are four passages which illustrate this fascinating leitmotiv.

As usual, bonus marks for full references and other details.

1. "(...) I'm sorely beset, X. Do you recall telling me once about someone who told somebody he could tell him something which would make him think a bit? Knitted socks and porcupines entered into it, I remember."

"I think you may be referring to the ghost of the father of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, sir. Addressing his son, he said ‘I could a tale unfold (... etc. ...) upon the fretful porpentine.’ "

"That's right. Locks, of course, not socks. Odd that he should have said porpentine when he meant porcupine. Slip of the tongue, no doubt, as so often happens with ghosts. Well, he had nothing on me. (...)"

Please name both the Shakespearian scholar (X) and the other (obviously sock-conscious) speaker.

2. "If there is one person in the world that I despise," said Y, bending a red-eyed gaze on the offender, "it's a snock-seeker – a seek-snocker – a – well, you know what I mean."

Who was Y? ‘Tuppy’ Glossop, Mervyn Potter, Reggie Tennyson, or Teddy Weeks?

3. One glance was sufficient to tell me that now was the time for all good men to come to the aid of the party.

"Socks, Z!" I cried hastily.

"Socks be blowed!" he retorted, and brushing me aside began to speak.

Who uttered this s(h)ocking reply? In other words, who was Z? ‘Stilton’ Cheesewright, Joey Cooley, ‘Boko’ Fittleworth, Walter Judson, or the Rev. Aubrey Upjohn?

4. It was bad enough to encounter this distinctly attractive girl in a shoeless, coatless, collarless and, as he now perceived, a hole-in-the-sockful condition; but to make it worse she seemed to remember meeting him before and he couldn't even begin to place her.

Who was he? ‘Biffy’ Biffen, ‘Biff’ Christopher, Jeff Miller, Sam Shotter, or Bill West ?

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Round 120 - 16 May 2002

Toes

Toes

No doubt Algernon Aubrey, if called upon to do so, could swing as pink a toe as the next child. ["Sonny Boy"]

I hope you will appreciate both your Quizmistress's ingenuity in unleashing a thrilling theme that is subtly related to that of Round 119 and her un-Gallic restraint in austerely refraining (though sorely tempted) from quoting anything to do with toe-stubbing or ingrowing toenails.

As usual, bonus marks for references and other details.

1. Of course, in a mixed gathering like that, it was to be foreseen that there would be a certain amount of dithering. Some of the suggestions offered were, frankly, goofy. And in saying this I have in mind principally the boy who cleaned the boots. This stripling was a small, freckled lad who, after being dropped on the head when a baby, appeared to have spent the formative years of his life reading sensational fiction. (...) he advised appointing a quorum to meet X at Southampton and kidnap her and keep her imprisoned in a cellar somewhere till further notice. An attractive by-product of this course of action, he pointed out, was that, if you cut a toe or a finger off from time to time, she could be induced to sign large cheques, which would do us all a bit of good. At this point the butler very properly took the child by the ear and slung him out.

Who was X? Lady Julia Fish, Mrs. Gregson (Bertie's ‘Aunt Agatha’), or Miss Ukridge?

2. (...) he removed the shoes. Not till he was safely reclining on his spine, twiddling his toes out of the window, so that the cool night air could play on them, did I start to bring up the big item on the agenda paper.

Who was this toe-twiddler? ‘Battling’ Billson, Mr. Brinkmeyer (or Brinkwater), or Lord Worplesdon (Bertie's ‘Uncle Percy’)?

3. Y congealed into a solid mass of frozen horror. He was listening-in on a proposal of marriage.

The emotions of any delicate-minded man who finds himself in such a position cannot fail to be uncomfortable; and the greater his delicacy of mind the more acute must the discomfort be. Y, being, as are all publishers, more like a shrinking violet than anything else in the world, nearly swooned. His scalp tingled, his jaw fell; and his toes began to open and shut like poppet-valves.

Who was Y? Mr. Clutterbuck, Mr. Potter, or Mr. Saxby (Snr.)?

4. Z was an awkward and clumsy dancer, but the girl's love enabled her to endure the way in which he jumped on and off her feet. When the music stopped, she started straightening out her toes without the slightest doubt in her mind that he was a king among men. And then suddenly he turned to her with a kindly smile.

"I'd like to give you a bit of advice," he said.

Who was Z? Smallwood Bessemer, Horace Davenport, Ivor Llewellyn, or Henry Mills?

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